Lou Reed is a strange fellow, so nobody should be surprised that Lulu would be a characteristically bizarre release. But who knew that a joint effort between Metallica and the former Velvet Underground legend could be so poorly executed? The album opens with the line, “I would cut my legs and tits off when I think of Boris Karloff and Kinski.” The 90 minutes that follow are no less disconcerting.

The lyrics are silly and occasionally laughable, but they are ultimately innocuous. Metallica’s contribution, on the other hand, is downright contemptible. James Hetfield, rather than belting out heavy verses or adding some much-needed commercial appeal, poorly mimics Reed’s vocal inflections. He concludes “The View” by repeatedly insisting, “I am the table,” while his bandmates add little more than background noise for the duration of the album.

One of the few redeeming qualities of Lulu is Reed’s persistence, and he absolutely deserves credit for pursuing this project with such conviction. As for Metallica, they sat on their hands and watched, proving themselves to be little more than yes-men to Reed’s stylistic ambitions. 

This is an experiment in avant-garde metal that only the staunchest of Reed’s devotees or the most pretentious of music snobs could stomach without any complaints. Collaborations of this magnitude are always exciting, but it was clear prior to Lulu‘s release that it never had the enthusiasm of Lou Reed fans nor Metallica fans. And if the diehards were never interested, what’s the point?