Any good writer seeks to express the truth, be it in politics or interior decorating. Until now, it seems that a large portion of the restaurant-frequenting world has been blind to what really happens behind the scenes in these hectic establishments that appear calm and cool to the blind eye.

I’ve been working in restaurants for the better part of my legally employable life. In addition to chapped fingers from searing hot plates and an eclectic group of work pals, I have experience with classic culinary customer encounters. these anecdotes epitomize the irony of how little people understand about the workings of an eatery—despite how much time they spend in restaurants.

Situation one: What is that thing beside my lamb shank? 

It is essential that you know exactly what you are ordering. Read the menu description carefully. This can even work in your favor: was the promised slab of goat cheese left behind in the kitchen? It very well could have. However, you will only know that if you actually read about what you are ordering. If you don’t know what something means, ask your server, as it could be a fancy-pants name for a spice or garnish  you loathe. Contrary to popular belief, servers and chefs actually aren’t mind readers, so this process is in your hands and your hands only.

Situation two: the water wasters

Indeed, maintaining a good level of hydration is necessary for survival. But why—when it comes to water—is it appropriate for one person to order for everyone else? You don’t walk into a restaurant and say, “14 T-Bone Steaks. All medium rare,” do you? Of course, the discrepancy here is that water is free, and most people don’t get too upset if something free magically arrives to them from the heavens. It’s only free for you, though: it takes the same amount of time and labour to pour a glass of water as it does a glass of wine or pop. No one is getting paid for the 27 glasses of water you ordered for all of your friends, not even knowing if they really want them.

Situation three: the time paradox

Understandably, when you are dropping a three-figure sum on a nice meal, you expect your evening to run pretty smoothly. In the more expensive establishments, the food is—believe it or not—made to order, using as many fresh ingredients as possible. You have to sacrifice the convenience of quickness to maintain the quality. Why are you rushing in the first place anyway? Enjoy yourself, and take refuge in the thought that all good things come in time; and that McDonalds burgers, although excellent in their own way, are made in five seconds and cost three dollars for a reason.

Situation four: family matters 

Restaurants and young children are the worst match in the modern world since your Aunt Linda and Facebook. Children simply aren’t equipped with the same level of patience that (most) adults are, and they often fail to think twice about creating an artistic masterpiece on the freshly laundered restaurant linens. One of the most common parental intervention methods used is to order their children’s meals first.  This is an attempt to avoid intermittent painful shrieks ignited by an unwanted stomach growl. Unfortunately, the technique is completely illogical, since the kids will be finished their meal long before their parents, leaving a large window of time to wreak havoc.

The next time you are at a restaurant and observe that grumpy-looking group beside you, chomping at the bit to devour their meal while their kids are swallowing pasta noodles whole, accompanied by their full, untouched glasses of water—walk on over and remind them that they aren’t the only ones expecting to eat tonight. Although everything appears to be easy-peasy, at least a half a dozen people are working really hard to make sure your belly and your mind walk out of the door satisfied. Not up for a divine intervention? Then just please refrain from ordering ‘water for the table.’