French fries. Cheese. Gravy. At first glance, this smorgasbord of three equally fatty, mouthwateringly delectable foods seems absurd. Who thought of mixing these things together? Better yet, why do we all love it? The only certainty when it comes to poutine is that the utter quirkiness of our great city of Montreal is matched perfectly by its signature dish. It’s a plate of excess: salty, warm, chewy goodness that makes it “oh-so-good-I’m-going-to-forget-to-chew.”

Every evening for three days straight, I exploited my roaring stomach and abused my coronary artery by embarking on a poutine bonanza, resulting in this miniature poutine guide. Warning: this may push you out of the culinary bubble of Alto’s and McGill Pizza, into unknown territories (just in time for spring sunshine and Bixi-bikes)

Cheap Poutine: Madonna’s Pizza (3600 St. Laurent)

After numerous arguments regarding the reigning champion of late-night poutine, I took my sober, more critical taste buds to both La Belle Province and Madonna’s to decide who would take the crown. I stopped at La Belle Province, better known as “Belle Pro” first, and left shortly after, with my face covered in grease and my mouth tired from attempting to chew rock-hard pieces of “cheese.”

But across the street, I was much more impressed with Madonna’s Pizza. Advertised as a pizza place, it’s the hidden gem of late-night poutine. Their thick, fresh cut fries made to order with a light gravy that is hot enough to soften the cheese curds in a no-frills cardboard box will undoubtedly divert your attention from the large slices of generously-topped pizza. For the accommodating price of $5, the poutine at Madonna’s is everything you expect from the most basic poutine—without the risk of being in a grease coma after.

Medium Price Poutine: La Banquise (994 Rue Rachel Est)

It’s colourful, loud, joyful, and reeks of heavenly deep-fried potatoes. My favourite song “Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay” quietly roared in the background as we took our seats at the park-bench-turned-booth under a fake tree that clings to the ceiling of the dining room.

Aside from the décor and superb playlist, you’ll be overwhelmed with the number of options on the menu; everything from the hot dog poutine to a classic French-Canadian turkey and peas poutine. To make the most of your trip, bring a big group of your pals so you can dabble in as many dishes as possible. My fellow poutine explorers and I selected the“poutine tanquise,” a Mexican-inspired dish with guacamole, sour cream, and tomatoes, the “italienne” poutine covered in a delicious tomato meat sauce, and of course, the classic poutine.

We were all pleasantly surprised by the affordable bill. For three people, even with soft drinks, the total was $30. So for $10 each, we had a massive amount of poutine, an opportunity to walk it off on our way home, and still remained full until lunchtime the next day.

Extravagent Poutine: Au Pied de Cochon  (536 Duluth Est)

If I had to choose one meal to eat before I die, it would be the foie gras poutine at Au Pied de Cochon. The notoriously eccentric “we don’t have anything for vegetarians” restaurant in the heart of the Plateau is one of Montreal’s culinarygoldmines. It usually takes roughly two weeks to get a reservation, but my fellow poutine explorer and I agreed to sit at the bar to confirm a spot on short notice—which I highly recommend—as watching the action of the open kitchen is half of the fun. At 9 p.m., a cowbell rang and every staff member downed a pint of beer. They deserved it.

In front of me sat numerous chunks of fried foie gras, and creamy, partially melted cheese curds, smothered in a sauce that looked nothing like the insipid brown gravy I had grown accustomed to. It was light in colour, and tasted like a mixture of butter, cream, sugar, and salt. I renamed it “heaven sauce.”

There are few feelings that are as satisfying as walking out of a restaurant and thinking, “I think that may have been the best thing I have ever tasted in my life.” The meal, not to mention the impeccable service and overall dining experience, made the $25 spent on one poutine seem like a bargain.