Between driving to see friends and running errands, I often find myself in the driver’s seat trying to decide what I should listen to. My Spotify playlists get too repetitive, I’m too picky for music radio, and after a long day of classes, I’m rarely in the mood for podcasts that sound just like lectures. Thankfully, I found the perfect thing: Patriot Radio on SiriusXM. Why does the “home of conservative principles” appeal to me, someone the Patriot Radio personalities would probably call a woke-leftist-college-elite-snowflake? I’m not entirely sure, but I have a few guesses.

Funnier than the comedy stations

It’s hard not to laugh when listening to Patriot Radio. Whether it’s a comically asinine take on current issues or a perplexing comment that catches you off-guard, it is all intrinsically and, more importantly, unintentionally funny. I’ll never forget the first time I shared my guilty pleasure with my girlfriend. As I turned to the channel, the host’s yelling became louder on the speaker, “INDIA! INDIA IS IN ASIA SO YOU CAN TECHNICALLY CALL THEM ASIANS!” Maybe we missed the beginning of the segment, but I like to imagine that this revolutionary discovery //was// the segment.

Hosts like Mark Levin and David Webb speak with caps lock on, instantly boosting the comedic appeal of all their segments. When Levin is yelling about how he barely makes any money from his book, //American Marxism//, explaining that he only plugs it because it contains the priceless information that will save the country, I can’t help but laugh. “YOU DON’T HAVE TO BUY EVERYONE A COPY” he proclaims, “JUST BUY ONE AND SHARE IT!”

My version of white noise

As someone who has always had difficulties concentrating, white noise can be incredibly helpful. There’s something about how conservatives can talk for minutes on end without saying anything concrete that makes it my favourite droning noise. Stacy on the Right is my go-to segment in this regard; her ability to speak for hours in one continuous run-on sentence is so soothing that it provides an opportunity to clear my mind. Though she claims that she’s “triggering the left every night,” I can’t help but feel calmed. If I were someone who meditated, a mixtape of her segments would be the perfect soundscape to close my eyes and relax.

A grim reminder

Though I try to remain lighthearted when listening to Patriot Radio, I can’t help but think about the severity of the issues they discuss. Whether it’s their fight against abortion, the refusal to acknowledge systemic racism, or the constant downplaying of the climate crisis, this channel serves as an important reminder that not only do these people exist but that they wield considerable power in our societies. 

Keeping me sharp

As someone who did debate throughout high school and CEGEP, I’ll always get joy from breaking down arguments and coming up with counterpoints. Listening to Patriot allows me to challenge myself and run mini-debates in my head. It pushes me to reflect on what I know, and do supporting research when I get home. Whenever I end up in a discussion with someone more right-leaning, thanks to my hours of conservative radio-listening, I already know what they’re going to say. They are then no match for my well informed rebuttal. 

A window into conservative thinking

I live in a fairly non-conservative bubble. It’s diverse—there are people of differing beliefs—but none of my close friends or relatives are conservatives. I don’t have the uncle who spews right-wing conspiracies or the colleague forwarding me Fox News articles. I like Patriot Radio because it provides me a glimpse into the type of media conservatives consume.

On both sides of the border, we’re heading into elections where conservative candidates are polling ahead. Beyond the laughs and the soothing white noise, it’s also important to be aware of what right-wing talking points are, and why electors believe them. Listening to Patriot is my own immersive ethnography, and hearing the thought processes of guests and hosts is both illuminating and distressing. Conservative radio offers a glimpse into the nitty-gritty of the right-wing playbook that isn’t often discussed elsewhere, including not just what they want, but how they want to achieve it.