In addition to putting up with plagues of insects, foul weather, and the threat of bears, campers will eat just about anything. The authentic wilderness experience just isn’t complete without risking complete digestive malfunction. Here’s my evaluation of some unorthodox parings that I’ve tried in the past:
Scrambled eggs with dark chocolate: Logic dictated that chocolate would hide the taste of the hopelessly burnt eggs and make breakfast a bit easier to swallow. Additionally, it met the requirements of a personal challenge I had set for myself: to consume chocolate with every meal on a camping trip. It had the flavour of neither egg nor chocolate, but some sort of bitter gluey mass, and all the aesthetic appeal of a science experiment gone wrong.
Hot dogs with honey: Condiments come in heavy jars, and when space and weight are at a premium, they are typically left behind, but honey is the spoonful of medicine that can make any meal more enjoyable. Being a vegetarian, I was only a witness to this event, but from the looks on the faces of my fellow campers, along with the culinary reviews they gave, this dish might even be enjoyable back in civilization.
Dehydrated guacamole: Dehydrating food is a great way to cut down on space and weight, but some things survive the dehydration process better than others. Unfortunately guacamole was one of my least successful dehydration experiments, and the oxidized brown mass that resulted from it was inedible even by my standards.
Peanuts, peanuts and more peanuts: These legumes are practically a starch staple, the rice or pasta of campers. Peanut butter with canned sardines on crackers, peanut butter with cheese, peanut butter on pancakes, and of course good old raisin and peanut trail mix.
Hummus and Nutella sandwiches: These are an acquired taste—acquired through hunger, not through the careful cultivation of taste buds. Alternatively, eat the hummus sandwich and follow it up with a few spoonfuls of Nutella straight from the jar.
Dehydrated ice cream: Though it’s a mind-boggling oxymoron that requires a stretch of the imagination to connect with its frozen relative, this strange pre-packaged dessert even comes in Neapolitan flavours and colours. It looks like a very dense marshmallow and even has the same melt-in-your-mouth consistency as ice cream, but with none of the brain freeze. It’s a tasty novelty food that’s fun to surprise your friends with, but traditional dessert goods are still better.
Leftover porridge special: Combine leftover starches—couscous, rice, pasta—from the day before with a bit of oatmeal and call it porridge. With the aforementioned honey and maybe some dried fruit, it is wholesome and delicious.
