McGill Tribune Describing his main goals on the Students’ Society of McGill University website, President Zach Newburgh writes: “Let’s build community together by being socially-conscious, politically-aware, while vibrant in all areas of student interest.” This is a platform that I as a columnist respect and support. I find it a[Read More…]
Joke
THE HELPLESS ROMANTIC: Advice for a pope
O Pope Benny XVI! Was it some relic of your former university professorships that demanded you use full quotations when citing sources? Did you also offer footnotes or a nice handout about how Manuel II was on the verge of losing his empire to Muslims when he said Muhammad brought only evil? I read most of your speech, and I agree with you about God not being pleased by blood-it’s tough for any major religion to disagree with that and not look like some killer cult-but it’s easy to skirt the issue when they can home in on your insults towards their religion’s founder.
JOKE ISSUE: Former U.S. vice president takes advantage of new healthcare system
Dick Cheney was arrested yesterday afternoon for shoplifting at Walgreen’s in the Georgetown neighborhood of Washington, D.C. Police stated that Cheney thought he could now get over-the-counter medication for free. Cheney allegedly had eaten too much pizza on Saturday night, and was experiencing some mild heartburn when he decided to go to the local pharmacy.
JOKE ISSUE: Grillz come to McGill
The McGill administration has announced that McGrills – grills shaped like the word McGill – will be available at the McGill Bookstore, effective immediately. In an interview with the Tribune, Vice-Principle (University Services) Jim Nicell was excited by the grills, which he hopes will boost student pride.
JOKE ISSUE: Cultural Studies students take over DESA, have designs on AUS
Since taking over the Department of English Students’ Association this semester, the Cultural Studies Students’ Association is reaching out to English students by offering new courses, vegan bake sales, used American Apparel clothing swaps, and Mile End bike tours.
JOKE ISSUE: Journalists diagnosed with Stockholm Syndrome
McGill University’s Chief Medical Examiner Dr. John Bringham diagnosed three Tribune news editors and four McGill Daily editors with acute cases of Stockholm Syndrome on Monday. The Students’ Society’s biweekly Legislative Council meeting, he determined, was the chief cause.
JOKE ISSUE: Adventures in abstinence
Let me make things perfectly clear: I am a virgin. Never been kissed, disrobed, or had my hand held. Now let me make something even clearer: I’m not a virgin because no one wants to have sex with me, but because I’m incredibly good-looking – think an 11 on a scale of 10 – and I can get anyone I want.
JOKE ISSUE: Snoop D-O-double-G-P-S
Owners of the TomTom GPS navigation system can now choose to “roll down the street, sippin’ on gin and juice” with rap superstar Snoop Dogg (who does not, in any way, advocate drinking and driving) as their guide. The voiceskin is available for purchase from TomTom for $12.
JOKE ISSUE: The Francophone Conspiracy: confuse Anglophones
When I moved to Quebec to attend McGill, I knew I would have to learn a little bit of French. I saw this challenge as an exciting opportunity to learn something new – but I never imagined it would be so phenomenally difficult. French is riddled with words that sound exactly alike, yet have completely different meanings.