With a mandated password reset for McGill students, the administration has found the perfect opportunity to ameliorate the university’s budget concerns. When students go into Minerva to enter in a new password, $5 will now be charged to their student account. Following the grand success of McGill24, the McGill PR department is re-invigorated to demand more money from its students.

“It’s only $5,” McGill Financial Officer Burt Smith explained. “Seeing how many Fac-O bracelets were on campus we know that all our students can afford this small contribution.”

The new campaign will be dedicated to facility improvements, such as the staircase outside of the Brown Building.

“We recognized that the walk outside from the University Centre to Dr. Penfield has not been aesthetically pleasing for many students,” Smith admitted. “From the revenue generated from the password reset, we’ll be able to tile the staircase.”

The password resets were ordered after the administration discovered phishing attempts made by amateur hackers. The extra “!” character at the end of McGill passwords will hopefully stave off future security concerns.

However, the $5 charge added to the password reset has not come without controversy.

“I’ve already had to add an extra emoji to my password,” Stew Jones, U0 Arts, said. “I don’t want to pay $5 on top of that!”

Administrators have issued thinly veiled threats that if students fail to create a new password, with the mandatory $5 fee, they may be locked out of their McGill accounts or face minor security threats, including pop-ups.

“We still have the power to send Farmville invitations,” Smith warned.

This article is a work of satire and is part of the Joke Issue.