Latest News

Joke

Freshmen forgotten no more

by Sanchi Bhalla on

More in Joke:

As the cold spring air brings Montreal more snow, and students retreat to their beds in the short break between midterms and finals, some students refuse to relax. McGill’s Forgotten Freshmen refuse to be complacent in their own misery.

The group started in order to “[raise] awareness of the pitifully broken McGill Community Facebook group,” resulting from a glitch in Facebook’s system that didn’t allow certain students with McGill emails to join the university’s online community. Now, the Forgotten Freshmen have metamorphisized into a political movement. Tired of being left out of McGillrelated memes and notifications about the nearest samosa sales, the 817 members have decided to march on Service Point on Apr. 5 at 12 p.m. sharp, and stage a sit-in until they’re added to the official community.

When asked why being a part of the McGill Facebook community mattered, Matthew Hearty, U1 Management, brought to light the underlying problem of discrimination.

“I failed a class last semester because the professor was useless and the student study groups were a part of the Facebook community,” Hearty said. “But more than academically, it has affected me socially. I was three days late to the whole “hygiene de vie” joke, and by that time it was already dated. Whenever I referenced it, I got eye rolls and scoffs, instead of the laughs that early adopters generated. My boyfriend broke up with me because of my outdated humour. With bad grades, no friends, and no significant other, what do I have left? The McGill Facebook community has taken everything away from me.”

A peek into the Forgotten Freshmen offices, located in the basement of the University Centre—they haven’t yet been told that it’s closing down—shows extensive preparation for this march. Signs bearing slogans like “we will not be forgotten” and “I’d rather be a bumblebee” litter every corner, while a list of ways to get into the community—legal and illegal—hangs behind the door. One of these, “talk to Facebook execs,” has been crossed out multiple times, perhaps due to the failure of their last attempted revolt; on Feb. 8, they decided to shout at the Facebook representative at Techfair, as reports indicated that that representative was personally responsible for the glitch due to a rumoured grudge against McGill’s own Suzanne Fortier.

“Yes, I do remember the very vocal students who attended the fair,” the Facebook representative said. “Unfortunately there seems to be an error in the McGill system itself. McGill should perhaps consider looking more deeply into this issue which seems to plague hundreds of McGillians.”

Compared to that previous attempt, this uprising seems different. For one, all 817 members are attending, at least according to the Facebook event, though staff assume that about 400 will actually turn up. Additionally, Second Cup will provide refreshments. “People often forget about us as well,” said a Second Cup customer service representative. “Starbucks and Timmies take up all the media attention; we know what feeling left out looks like, and so we’re sponsoring this event, in the hopes that marginalized voices will finally be heard.”

This article is a work of satire and is part of the Tribune’s 2018 Joke Issue.

Joke

Tre Mansdoerfer congratulates Corinne Bulger on not having to be SSMU President

by SSMuna Toblerone on

More in Joke:

On March 21, Elections SSMU announced that Tre Mansdoerfer, U2 Engineering, is the president-elect of the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU) for the 2018-2019 school year. With a differential of only 69 votes between the two candidates, Mansdoerfer explained that while he remained hopeful throughout election night, he eventually had to muster the pride to call his opponent and concede.

“Obviously I wish the results had gone the other way,” Mansdoerfer said in an interview with The McGill Tribune. “But Corinne ran a hardfought campaign, and no one is more qualified to be one of the 27,525 students who does not have to publicly represent this decaying institution.”

While Mansdoerfer is disappointed by the election’s outcome, he has total faith in Bulger.

“Again, Corinne is one of the kindest and most hardworking people I know,” Mansdoerfer added. “She has earned every opportunity to not have to interact with a group of politically-ambitious, borderline-sociopathic 20-year-olds.”

Bulger, U2 Arts, said she appreciates Mansdoerfer’s support, and acknowledges that he was equally as worthy a candidate.

“With a voting participation of only 16.5 per cent, the election results really could have gone either way,” Bulger said. “Tre has contributed so much to the McGIll Community over the past three years, and I really wish there was room for two of us to avoid Legislative Council.”

Mansdoerfer says he’s trying to remain positive regardless, focusing his energy on some of the job’s more exciting projects, like avoiding asbestos-related illnesses, and working to solve the Palestinian-Israeli conflict once and for all.

“Right now I’m just trying to focus on teambuilding,” Mansdoerfer said. “I really hope to have a more cohesive executive than last year’s.”

In addition to Mansdoerfer, the newly-elected executive team is comprised of an accused Zionist spy, as well as an alleged anti-semite.

“Accessibility, transparency, and accountability,” Mansdoerfer keeps repeating dead-eyed.

At press time, Mansdoerfer was seen preemptively drafting a tell-all to the Bull & Bear and whisper-shouting “institutional memory” under his breath.

This article is a work of satire and is part of the Tribune’s 2018 Joke Issue.

Commentary, Opinion

Young people incite progressive change—why don’t Boomers see it?

by Lucas Bird on

More in Commentary:

On Oct. 31, 2017, Business Insider ran a piece listing the industries and businesses which millennials had supposedly “killed,” or were in the process of killing, in the most recent decade. This article is part of a trend of baby boomer-penned thought pieces demonizing younger generations for their habits and lifestyles, and faulting them for any resulting economic decline. From BuzzFeed’s list of things millennials ended in 2016, to Business Insider’s piece on Gen Z’s shopping habits hurting traditional retailers, hordes of articles have appeared over the past few years under titles like, “Why young people are ruining (fill in the blank)?”

The stories these articles tell about young people are misleading. These pieces claim that younger generations only incite negative economic change; however, this is the wrong sort of change to be focusing on. The economic transformations that such articles lament are less important than the differences younger generations are making in other areas. In their attitudes toward important social issues, and in their unwillingness to yield to a gridlocked political system, millennials and Gen Z-ers have had increasingly powerful positive effects in areas beyond the economic sector.

In contrast, the prevailing media narrative surrounding the younger generations remains predominantly negative and rarely subtle. The supposed change these generations cause is typically portrayed with a particular set of characteristics: First, it is perceived as unintentional. Second, it is a result of their collective unwillingness to participate in certain stalwart boomer trends like beer drinking or shopping at department stores, and their general laziness. Third, this change brings with it a slew of negative consequences for everyone else.

Yet, this conception of young people is fundamentally flawed. Younger generations indeed defy the status quo, but not in the way that older generation authors persistently harp on—rather, they frequently defy the status quo to bring about positive change. Teenagers and young adults have sparked significant developments on important, long-term issues—such as gun control, climate change, and civil rights—through their activism and determination to incite progress.

For example, since the school shooting at Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida on Feb. 14, in which 17 people died, student survivors from the school have held rallies and traveled to Washington D.C. to speak to lawmakers and National Rifle Association (NRA) representatives directly on gun control. On March 24, protesters in cities across Canada and the U.S. participated in the “March For Our Lives,” a focused protest to petition lawmakers to pass greater gun control measures, as a result of these students’ efforts. Hundreds of Montrealers attended the march.

Gun control is an issue that has caused partisan gridlock in the U.S. for years. Yet, the Parkland survivors have spurred media attention, inspired activism, and engaged in direct dialogue with the NRA and elected officials in ways that the U.S. hasn’t seen since the inception of the gun control debate. This is the power of youth determination. Concerns about the decrease of millenial attendance at Costco, or Gen Z’s lack of Facebook presence pale in comparison.

In addition to pushing for progressive policy, these generations also stand to inform and expand worldviews. Attitudes among the millennial generation—the world’s next leaders—bode well for the global issues society may encounter in the next 50 years. Surveys done by genForward in October 2017,  and the Pew Research Center in June 2017, show that the millennial generation’s attitudes toward issues like race and sexuality are more progressive than any previous generation’s. When Business Insider surveyed millennials in August 2017 about the issues which are most important to them, respondents cited climate change and poverty near the top of their lists.

Society should encourage and praise the efficacious attempts of young people to make a positive impact. In order to do that, the story being told about them needs to be the truth. Older generations should document the differences younger generations are making with their excitement and determination to change the world around them, rather than projecting fears about the traditions and industries that are being left in the past.

Commentary, Opinion

SSMU’s CARE initiative needs to be revised and expanded

by Abeer Almahdi on

More in Commentary:

As the semester draws to a close, first-year students are busily finalizing their living situations. Arguably the most popular rental neighbourhood for McGill students is the Milton-Parc neighbourhood, colloquially known as the “McGill Ghetto.” Even if students do not live in the neighbourhood, many pass through it during their morning commute, or to access facilities like the McGill Sports Complex on Avenue des Pins. Milton-Parc has become fundamental to McGill campus culture, and an inherent part of the McGill experience.

In 2010, the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU) launched the Community Action and Relations Endeavour (CARE), a joint project between SSMU, the Milton-Parc Citizens Committee, and the McGill Dean of Students. At the time of CARE’s launch, Milton-Parc had roughly 1,500 student residents. Although reliable neighbourhood statistics remain impossible to substantiate, due to the lack of Milton-Parc-specific census data, students are still the minority. A decade after the initiative launched, CARE has gradually lost momentum. However, the issues with student-resident relations have not subsided. In order to better educate students on how their presence in Milton-Parc impacts local residents, SSMU must re-examine the CARE initiative, and further work on its implementation.

As of 2007, Milton-Parc had the highest population density in Montreal, with a population of around 11,150 residents. Although the overwhelming majority of Milton-Parc residents are not students, the influx of students is a phenomenon that brings a unique set of challenges for the neighbourhood. CARE stresses the importance of peaceful co-existence, but a walk through the Milton-Parc neighbourhood suggests that students are not adhering to the initiative’s vision. Littering is a widespread issue, and garbage bags are often left open. Items such as perishables or broken glass often disrupt the sidewalks, alongside unwanted furniture and appliances left outside during moving season. Permanent residents have expressed their concerns regarding the pollution of their neighbourhood, but the lack of progress so far symbolizes apathy within the student community to improving relations with them. Besides the physical debris covering the sidewalks, it is not uncommon to hear about complaints of noise, loud and excessive partying, or McGill’s intense drinking culture.

A key weakness of the CARE initiative is that it only superficially addresses the problem between students and permanent residents. Asking students to be responsible, take ownership of their issues, and be aware of their own impact is important. However, these are propositions that can easily be ignored. Although all of the solutions cited in the initiative are completely necessary, they are extremely vague and merely suggestions. Instead of pretending that vague recommendations to university students will fix the problem of coexistence, SSMU should revive the CARE initiative and draft concrete, specific instructions for students wishing to take up residence in the area.

It is not enough to simply create a set of ill-defined suggestions and unfulfilled commitments. SSMU should expand on this initiative by sending a message to students that being a good neighbour is not merely important—it’s our responsibility. McGill and SSMU must continue to work with the Milton-Parc community in order to foster more dialogue. SSMU should look to expanding CARE by creating workshops for students in residence at the end of the Winter semester alongside their apartment hunting workshops, organising workshops for international students out of residence, hosting more inter-community events such as clean-ups, and aiding the Milton-Parc community in their plight to maintain their green spaces. SSMU must make an effort to circulate this information through listservs, at meetings, or by other campus initiatives, in order to reach student communities that are not represented by the rez or international community.

Even if many of the student residents of Milton-Parc are temporary, they still make a mark on the community. Students and long-term residents alike deserve to live in a thriving neighbourhood, and it takes work on both sides to achieve that. Students are community members, neighbours, commuters, or sometimes just parking in the area for the day. Regardless of how they use their Milton-Parc home, and they must treat it with the respect and care that it deserves. The revision of SSMU’s CARE initiative is the first step to facilitating effective change, and to ensure that students fulfill their responsibilities as members of Milton-Parc.

Arts & Entertainment, Film and TV

More than just ‘Another News Story’

by Katia Innes on

More in Arts & Entertainment:

Another News Story begins with the image of four figures fleeing in the dead of night. Visible only in the headlights of an oncoming vehicle, we quickly realize the figures are a father walking frantically with his three children. It is 2015, and they are Syrian refugees struggling to find a way into Germany.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00ql-cANlIE

On March 20, Concordia’s Cinema Politica affiliate showcased the directorial debut of Orban Wallace. Best known for his work on the visual effects of “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince,” with Another News Story Wallace follows a group of refugees hailing from the Middle East and Africa along their plight. From their arrival on the island of Lesbos, Greece, through their journey into Eastern Europe, and, ultimately, their second homecoming in Germany, where Chancellor Angela Merkel had promised to open doors to all refugees.

As opposed to other, more typical human-interest pieces, Another News Story delves further into the problem by examining not only the journey of the refugee, but the role of the media during these conflicts. In the height of conflict, the media holds the coveted power of deciding what is worthy of our attention. The relationship between the media and its subject has always been tricky, and journalists have always balanced the fine line between respectful coverage and sensationalism.

Wallace grapples with this relationship by weaving between narratives. There’s Mahasen, a Syrian woman determined to reach Germany so she may be reunited with her children after four long years. The film also follows the community of reporters that has formed during their coverage of the refugee crisis, all of whom camp and travel together—including Bruno and Johnny, a Belgian journalist and cameraman duo.

By chronicling these two stories, Wallace reveals the unique relationship between the modern media and its subjects. As audiences itch for minute-to-minute coverage, journalists must push themselves even further to deliver stories in real time. Journalists are aiming to present more visceral and authentic experiences to share with audiences, eschewing non-biased reporting as they assist migrants to board trains or hop fences.

Unfortunately, Wallace shows that this journalistic intrusion may also lead to the mistreatment of refugees. Though this evolving relationship between journalists and subjects has adapted to the 24-hour news cycle, it has remained morally ambiguous and murky. It’s hard not to feel uneasy as Wallace films white, male European reporters casually smoking and laughing as they are surrounded by the stoic refugees. For the world to see news unfold, in real time, journalists must of course be present—yet this presence can be equally as damaging as it is constructive.

Regardless of whether it is morally right or not, wherever there’s a story, reporters will flock. As the boats landed in Lesbos, hoards of journalists rushed forward, pushing cameras into the faces of wearied and starving refugees. It’s unclear whether their immediate intrusion onto the scene is more exploitative or comiserative. However, as Richard Engel, chief foreign correspondent of NBC News said, “Happiness is universal, but misery, that’s solitary.”

Though it might be ugly, and though it will always be biased, the media will always try and connect viewers to the unique terrors that manifest across the globe. Uneasily, modern viewers must grapple with the dilemma of genuinely wanting to be informed, and watching real-life horrors unfold for their viewing pleasure.

Art, Arts & Entertainment, Music

From the Viewpoint: Mosaica taught me how to love dance

by Kevin Reynolds on

More in Art:

I’m going to be honest—I know next to nothing about dance. It was therefore with some measure of anxiety that I attended the Mosaica Dance Company’s annual spring showcase. Of course the show would be good, of that I had very little doubt. The problem was instead how to write about something of which I know so little, how to do justice to something which I might appreciate without necessarily understanding.

To give a little background: The Mosaica Dance Company held its annual spring showcase from March 23-24. The event, evocatively titled and themed “ROUGE,” was the 34th such production in the company’s history. Mosaica is a student run dance company founded in 1984 at McGill. With a special focus on equity and inclusivity, each movement of the night was choreographed by the company’s coordinators and dancers.

All of this was in an attempt to celebrate what makes the company special among similar collectives, namely the diversity of its members and the styles of dance it incorporates.

The night’s first segment was “Fell From Your Heart.” Set to the song “Cosmic Love” by Florence and the Machine and performed by the whole company, it marked a triumphant opening to the event. As the song progressed, my initial anxieties as an audience member who knows very little about dance were quickly replaced with envy. I am someone whose dance repertoire basically consists of the first three moves from “The Evolution of Dance” and a pseudo-ironic dab thrown in for good measure. It seemed inconceivable that, not only could one person dance like this, but a whole company. As the song gained momentum, so too did the dance itself, with increasingly acrobatic maneuvers and bombastic running, jumping, and tumbling. After what felt like a miniature version of an Olympic Opening Ceremony, the lights dimmed and the cast was introduced in a video presentation.

The next movement was a fiery segment called “Tenacity,” a name well earned. There was a close focus paid to colour throughout the show, with background lighting and the dancers’ outfits changing to mirror the mood and tempo of the songs. Tenacity was all red—with fast, explosive movements. Set to “Riot Rhythm” by Sleigh Bells, the music heightened this explosive and dynamic effect.

A personal highlight of the night was the Kill-Bill-esque “Cell Block Tango” from the musical “Chicago”—another performance highlighted by its red lighting and outfits. The choreography incorporated exaggerated scenes of comic and bloody retribution by outlaw women against their dastardly spouses. The number was executed perfectly. In most movies, the line between fighting and dance is blurred to create more dramatic and visually exciting, choreographed scenes. Here, Mosaica used the same effect in the opposite capacity. Rather than making a fight seem more dance-like, “Cell Block Tango” instead injected its dancing and choreography with a healthy dose of kung-fu movie violence. It was a thrilling performance, with dancers springboarding over each other, using the bodies of their fellow performers as platforms from which sequences of pantomimed fighting and revenge were launched. Throughout the show, audience members directed a near constant stream of applause at individual dancers or the sequence as a whole.

It hit me about halfway through the show that most of the audience probably knew as little about dance as I did. Despite our uninitiated perspective, the dynamism and energy of the show translated to all of us, with the audience’s warm response serving as an affirmation of the program’s commitment to entertain and impress.  

Science & Technology

Lufa Farms: Using Montreal’s rooftops to feed the growing urban population

by Zoe Doran on

More in Science & Technology:

Lufa Farms, a Montreal urban agriculture company, is working on revolutionizing the city’s food system, based on two key ideas: Growing food where people live and growing it more sustainability. Best described as an online farmer’s market, Lufa Farms operates three rooftop greenhouses in Montreal, which produce more than 100 types of vegetables annually. Fresh produce is delivered the same day that it’s harvested and is supplemented by the company’s partners (including Ferme La Rose des Vents, Fromagerie du Vieux St-François, Aux Vivres, and others) who provide sustainably and humanely-raised meats, as well as dairy, eggs, baked goods, pastas, vegan alternatives, and more. Lufa Farms’ unique focus on both taste and sustainability allows customers to reconnect with their food.

Customers can complete an easy sign-up online, customize their personal basket of food, and pick it up at one of the 450 pickup points scattered throughout Montreal. Vegetables are harvested overnight and delivered the following afternoon at the customer’s preferred location.

Fortunately for McGill students, Lufa Farms makes buying locally-sourced food affordable. The minimum basket order is $15, but Thibault Sorret, a Lufa Farms employee, said in an interview with the The McGill Tribune that many students may supplement their normal grocery shopping with Lufa Farms’ vegetables.

“Most students use Lufa Farms as a vegetable complement to [their] normal grocery shopping,” Sorret said. “[First they] chose a base, like quinoa or rice, then add vegetables, which are the best and cheapest pesticide-free vegetables in Montreal, and finish with protein.”

The primary goal of local agriculture is to produce good taste, not durability for transport or yield capabilities, so Lufa Farms hopes to show consumers the value difference and importance of food grown close to home.

“If you use this approach, you will eat healthier, but you will be able to adjust [shopping at Lufa Farms] to your budget,” Sorret said. “[Hopefully] the more people who develop a connection to their food, the more people will question why supermarket food [lacks the same quality of taste.]”

Lufa Farms prides itself on using no new land, meaning that their hydroponic greenhouse systems—employing agriculture that produces crops without soil—are exclusively on the rooftops of existing buildings. All greenhouses use a closed circuit water system, which collects rainwater, snowmelt, and recycles 100 per cent of gray water and waste water from the agricultural process. Lufa Farms also uses biocontrols—instead of pesticides—for their crops, and organic waste is composted on-site. Lufa Farms’ innovative technology represents a switch back to localized agriculture.

In the next two years, the company hopes to expand to the United States and gain attention internationally. Urban agriculture is a relatively new field, with the potential to revolutionize the way we think about food production. The company’s greatest expenses are the construction and maintenance of its rooftop greenhouses, but as Lufa Farms expands, they will reduce the costs of their products, making the Lufa Farms choice an even more economically-accessible option. According to Sorret, Lufa Farms’ current success demonstrates that if cities take advantage of their unused rooftop space, they have the potential to create largely self-sustainable food production systems.

“Rooftop farms on only just 19 rooftops of large malls could feed the entire city, even in cities, like Montreal, with challenging climates,” Sorret said.

The company hopes to cater to customers living on and near the island of Montreal with fresh and local foods that are sustainably produced.  

Montreal might not often be considered an agricultural city, with long winters that bring bone-chilling temperatures and unsightly amounts of snow. The city’s bizzare seasonality has restricted Montrealers’ food choices to often tasteless and subpar quality produce which has travelled thousands of miles, just to be selected begrudgingly from the aisles of the local supermarket. This leaves urban agriculture, and companies like Lufa Farms, as the first stepping stone to a more sustainable future for the city.

Arts & Entertainment, Film and TV

The Riverdale teens are out of hand and need to be stopped

by Luke Sarabia on

More in Arts & Entertainment:

Riverdale is an absurd, ridiculous show that I couldn’t possibly force myself to stop watching. Every Thursday, I sit for 45 minutes shouting and cackling at these crazy teens on my TV. I end each episode baffled, both at the show’s ridiculousness, and my own powerlessness to quit.

Riverdale, now nearing the end of its second season, premiered last January on the CW and on Netflix in Canada. The show reimagines the long-running Archie comics and its affiliated characters as a gritty teen drama, in the vein of 13 Reasons Why. The premise, essentially, is Archie comics, but Archie has sex, and crimes happen.  Riverdale takes aim at the comics’ idyllic suburban setting. Someone goes missing, perfect families have terrible secrets, there’s a mysterious new girl in town. You’ve seen this before. Riverdale, however, pushes your expectations to the limit and then some, resulting in scenes that are shocking and embarrassing, and always entertaining.

We learn in the first episode of season one, for instance, that Archie has had a months-long relationship with his 30-year-old teacher. It is made clear that Archie and the gang are about 15 or 16. The show tops this problematic and bizarre moment innumerable times. Loveable Jughead joins a gang, and cuts other gang members with knives. Archie literally starts a student crime-fighting militia group. Riverdale’s violent crime rate is equalled only by its dance-off rate.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrXEmPnn3nU

Yet season one, despite its baffling moments, featured a compelling mystery that managed to remain interesting over 13 episodes, not to mention a decent cliffhanger ending. The show can also be occasionally visually impressive. Scenes inside the iconic Pop’s Chocolate Shoppe are lit strikingly with neon beams of red and blue, giving them a distinct comic-book look.

The second season, however, grows more nonsensical and less compelling. At a certain point, any reasonable person has to wonder if whoever writes Riverdale is for real. It is often challenging to believe so. The characters behave so unsympathetically that they seem to parody themselves—perhaps intentionally. Showrunner Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa has made no secret of the influence of the seminal ‘90s drama Twin Peaks on Riverdale, which masterfully parodied melodramatic soap operas while practically inventing the evil-hiding-in-a-small-town TV trope. There are a number of clear visual references to it in Riverdale, which likely also borrows Peaks’ satirical tendency toward absurd narratives and hilariously irrational characters. However, if Riverdale is attempting a self-conscious jab at bad teen dramas, Archie comics, and America itself, it is mostly lost in execution. The writing is often far too poor and the acting too stilted to evidence any effective sense of satire. While the show at its best manages a convincing deconstruction of small-town facades, it often leaves much of the gist of the comics behind, with its characters and setting sometimes appearing related only nominally.

What I mean by this, of course, is that Jughead doesn’t eat nearly enough cheeseburgers in this show. Historically, Jughead is known for his wit and his goofy hat. But the crux of his character is how much food that boy can eat. Any given Archie comic features Jughead wolfing down a plate of 10 burgers, a full pizza, and multiple shakes with ease—seemingly without chewing. It is awe-inspiring. Yet, in the show’s first two years, Cole Sprouse’s Jughead has eaten a pitiful two burgers in 29 episodes, both of which came in season two (season three does have Jughead eating a lot of burgers following a hunger strike.) If Aguirre-Sacasa is going for a Twin Peaks-esque absurd soap satire, why not include the most ridiculous and hilarious aspect of Riverdale’s source material?

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if Riverdale is satire, successful or otherwise. I will continue to watch this show because I have no other choice. There will probably never be a point where it becomes unwatchable; a show this ridiculous jumped the shark the moment it was conceived. Whatever half-assed mystery is thrown at me next I will watch powerlessly, and in desperate hope that it will bring more cheeseburgers to poor, starving Jughead.

Science & Technology

Immortality in the natural world

by Emma Gillies on

More in Science & Technology:

Harry Potter fans know that Fawkes the phoenix’s fiery demise wasn’t the end of him; he was simply reborn from the ashes. Phoenixes, of course, are mythical creatures. Immortality in real animals is likely the stuff of fantasy.

Yet, as it turns out, biological immortality only refers to creatures that don’t exhibit signs of aging, and has been observed in animals such as tortoises, sea urchins, clams, and rockfish. Unlike humans and many other animals, these organisms show negligible senescence, or deterioration with age: As age progresses, death rates, reproduction, and survival characteristics like strength and mobility remain largely unchanged.

External forces such as predation, starvation, disease, and unfavourable environmental conditions still prevent animals from living forever. Internal problems that are not a result of aging, like kidney disease, may also cause biologically immortal organisms to die. Whether or not these animals can really live forever is difficult to predict since extremely old specimens are very rare and, in many cases, scientists have to kill an organism to measure its age. Nevertheless, these animals’ efforts warrant some recognition. Below are four creatures that defy aging as we know it.

Greenland shark – Somniosus microcephalus

Also known as ‘sleeper sharks’ for their slow movement, these massive Arctic fish are often blinded by parasites that feed on their eyes. Very little is known about the mysterious species, and our understanding is largely anecdotal. However, they’re believed to be the vertebrate that lives the longest. According to a 2016 study in Science, these apex predators may live for more than 400 years.

Scientists are currently trying to sequence the shark’s genome to discover the secret behind its longevity. Living in cold water certainly helps, since low temperatures slow the metabolism and aging process.

American lobster – Homarus americanus

These bottom-dwelling creatures live in the Atlantic Ocean off the Eastern coast of North America. They feed mainly on fish and molluscs, exhibit indeterminate growth—that in, they never stop growing—and regularly live for more than 50 years. Like other arthropods, lobsters must shed their shells to grow. Unfortunately, as this evidence of their age is literally molted away, it’s difficult for researchers to determine their true age.

Like the Greenland Shark, the American Lobster inhabits cold waters, which contributes to its age defiance by slowing its metabolism. Another explanation lies in its telomeres, the caps that protect the ends of chromosomes during DNA replication. Since telomeres are shortened when chromosomes replicate, longer telomeres correspond to longer life because they protect a greater portion of the chromosome. According to a 1998 study published in FEBS Letters, telomerase—an enzyme that lengthens telomeres—is found in every organ of the American lobster’s body.

Naked mole rat – Heterocephalus glaber

Native to parts of East Africa, naked mole rats are hairless, wrinkled little rodents that live in almost pitch-black burrows. They co-exist in colonies of hundreds of individuals and exhibit a complex social structure similar to that of eusocial insects, in which there is a queen, a few breeding males, and many worker individuals.

These animals also can’t feel most types of pain, almost never get cancer, and are astoundingly tolerant to low-level or poor oxygen conditions. In fact, according to a study in eLife, they are the only known mammal that doesn’t show signs of aging, making them the perfect model for human aging research.

Immortal jellyfish – Turritopsis dohrnii

This tiny jellyfish is probably the closest a real-life creature can get to undergoing a similar transformation to Fawkes the phoenix. Found in the Mediterranean Sea and sometimes in the Atlantic Ocean, they can revert to an earlier stage in their development when threatened. They start life as planulae, or larvae, and eventually assemble with other planulae on the seafloor to create colonies of polyps. Through a form of asexual reproduction known as budding, in which an outgrowth formed from cell division develops into a new organism,  medusae—the adult form of jellyfish—break off from the polyps to continue life in a free-swimming state.

When faced with stresses like starvation or injury, the adult jellyfish can revert to its polyp stage, eventually releasing medusae that are genetically identical to the original adult. This process of transforming specialized cells into other types of cells is called transdifferentiation, an important area of study in stem cell research.

Off the Board, Opinion

Memes are best for roasting McGill administration: Change my mind

by Ava Zwolinski on

More in Off the Board:

The “Change My Mind” meme emerged this past February, when a conservative commentator named Steven Crowder set up a table outside the campus of Texas Christian University with a sign reading “Male privilege is a myth, change my mind.” Crowder has a YouTube page and a podcast where he frequently engages others in discussions on controversial topics ranging from a woman’s right to an abortion to gender politics. Despite the gravity of the discourse Crowder provokes, the perceived outlandishness of his views by a fairly liberal young population on campus led to an online parody of his segment. These include statements like: “ratatouille would beat stuart little’s ass in a fight: change my mind,” or “pop tarts are ravioli: change my mind.”

With the emergence of several McGill meme Instagram accounts in the last few years, McGill students have been adapting popular meme templates to create student-relevant content. Take, for example, the Change My Mind meme posted by the Instagram account @spicy_martlet_memes, where Crowder’s head has been replaced with McGill Principal Suzanne Fortier’s, and his sign photo-shopped to read, “McTavish could still be improved a little bit: change my mind.” Satirically reinterpreting Crowder’s Change My Mind table into something relevant to the McGill student is not only humourous, but taps into the communication gap on campus between the administration and the student body.  

Student-run meme pages allow them a space to co-ruminate about this gap: It often feels like McGill is not listening to them, not meeting their needs, and falling short in providing adequate essential services, like mental health support.

This general frustration among McGill students also extends to physical hindrances to their experience that include the seemingly never-ending McTavish construction. McTavish Street has undergone construction numerous times in the last four years. Roadblocks have posed many difficulties for individuals with injuries or mobility impairments and local businesses, making it an especially salient topic for students. One only needs to recall Winter 2017’s treacherous narrow metal staircase in front of the Brown building. Amid general frustrations with the construction in the city of Montreal and annoyance at the administration—who once advised students to just “keep calm and carry on” despite the dangerous obstacles—memes are the cathartic release students need.

Satirically reinterpreting Crowder’s Change My Mind table into something relevant to the McGill student is not only humourous, but taps into the communication gap on campus between the administration and the student body.

For example, the Deputy Provost of Student Life and Learning Ollivier Dyens’ notorious suggestion that students practice good “hygiene de vie” to cope with mental health challenges quickly went viral. Dyens’ statement upset many students. In turn, it fuelled an abundance of meme posts across various Instagram pages, all featuring sarcastic commentary on the statement, allowing students to air their grievances.

While many memes posted in student-run Instagram accounts are purely for comedic purposes, they also can serve a more politically-engaged purpose. During the recent SSMU president elections, former candidate Corinne Bulger stated in an interview with the The McGill Tribune that “meme culture can be used as a really powerful tool to hold our admin accountable, especially in such a public forum.”

A direct example of Bulger’s remarks can be seen in one McGill student Instagram account, @burnsidebasementsoupcafe69, which published a flurry of memes following Dyens’ “hygiene de vie” gaffe. Included among these memes was a single image with a direct message: “This is Ollivier Dyens…Don’t let him get re-elected.”

Ultimately, memes offer more than just a humourous outlet to scroll through between classes: They speak to students’ concerns and frustrations with the McGill administration, and because of this are an important tool to understand the opinions and interests of the student body. Perhaps the administration should pay more attention to these outlets, and address the concerns they raise. In the meantime, it’s much more fun to collectively laugh at them.

1 … 566 567 568 569 570 … 1,363

Read the latest issue

Read the latest issue