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News, SSMU

SSMU to develop Sexualized and Gendered Violence Policy

by Domenic Casciato on

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On March 23, the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU) announced plans to hold an open forum on April 11 to discuss the creation and implementation of a SSMU Gendered and Sexualized Violence Policy (GSVP).

The creation of the GSVP was proposed after former SSMU vice-president (VP) External David Aird resigned following allegations of sexual assault and gendered violence. Aird stepped down on Feb. 22 following a statement released by the Community Disclosure Network (CDN) that claimed that Aird had performed acts of sexualized and gendered violence prior to and during his SSMU term. Additionally, a second SSMU executive, President Ben Ger, resigned on March 9 after allegations of gendered violence were brought against him.

The announcement also stated that current and future SSMU executives will now be trained on how to respond to disclosures of sexual violence. Additionally, SSMU opened an anonymous feedback form and will work with CDN on a long-term action plan for confronting sexualized violence within SSMU.

VP Student Life and Acting President Elaine Patterson admitted that the implementation of the university’s current Policy against Sexual Violence (SVP)–which was approved by Senate on Nov. 23–has been slow, but is nonetheless important.

“There are concerns about […] how long it is taking to implement [the SVP] and advertise it to students,” Patterson said. “[….We need a policy because] there are students who have been in positions of power who now have allegations against them of gendered and sexualized violence [….] A policy specifically tailored by SSMU and for SSMU is ideal in those scenarios.”

The CDN will advise SSMU during the development of the GSVP and at the open forum. On March 27, the CDN released a second statement emphasizing that the GSVP should be pro-survivor and easily accessible to students. In an interview with The McGill Tribune, a member of the CDN explained the organization’s role in creating the GSVP. The member requested to remain anonymous.

“SSMU is relying pretty heavily on [the] CDN […] because they just don’t have the structure to deal with [creating a policy],” the member said. “[….] The new ideas for protocol and what exactly needs to happen needs to come from the survivors in our community [rather than SSMU or admin].”

CDN will lead a number of initiatives in addition to its collaboration with SSMU, including three closed focus groups for survivors of sexualized violence to provide input on the SSMU GSVP. Beginning in April and continuing into next year, CDN will also organize roundtable discussions and workshops with student-led groups to address disclosures of sexualized violence.

“We’ll facilitate [training] on anti-oppressive policy-making, the frameworks of pro-survivor work, how to properly deal with disclosures, and some of the language around some of these things,” the member said.

According to Patterson, SSMU currently has no formal avenue for reporting and addressing sexualized and gendered violence. The CDN member explained that the only way to remove someone from the Executive Committee is through a General Assembly (GA). In order to avoid publicly identifying survivors at a GA, complainants’ only other option is to disclose to the SSMU Board of Directors (BoD).

In Fall 2016 two student groups, NDP McGill and McGill Against Austerity (MAA), became aware of allegations against Aird before SSMU, but were unable to remove Aird from office without identifying the survivors. In an email to The McGill Tribune, Cole Eisen, NDP McGill representative, wrote that the absence of a reporting mechanism that preserved survivor anonymity protected Aird’s tenure at SSMU.

“A clear, [survivor-oriented GSVP] coming from SSMU would benefit NDP McGill by providing our organization with a mechanism to remove offending members, respect the desire for anonymity on the part of individuals coming forward, and decouple holding positions of power within student organizations from the policy's implementation,” Eisen wrote. “NDP McGill seeks a clearly defined complaint mechanism, assurances those who hold positions of power in SSMU will not be above the policy, and a victim-first orientation that consults those affected at each decision-making juncture.”

McGill, News

Floor fellows to vote on tentative agreement with McGill

by Domenic Casciato on

More in McGill:

On March 23, the Association of McGill University Support Employees (AMUSE) reached a tentative agreement with the McGill administration regarding the employment of floor fellows. AMUSE Unit B represents floor fellows and has been bargaining with the university since October 2014 on floor fellow salaries, values, and job security. AMUSE members will meet at a General Assembly (GA) on April 6 to vote on the approval of the tentative agreement. If AMUSE members vote to approve the tentative agreement, negotiations between the university and AMUSE Unit B will come to a close.

According to AMUSE President Claire Michela, the tentative agreement will create an hourly wage of $13.15 for floor fellows and establish a letter of agreement about floor fellow values, including harm reduction, anti-oppression, and respect. The agreement will also enhance job security and ensure that floor fellows will not immediately lose their room and board in the case that they are fired. The GA will determine whether floor fellows who were employed between 2013 and 2016 will receive remittance for their unpaid hours, in addition to the terms of the agreement.

McGill floor fellows initially filed with the Commission des Normes du Travail (CNT) for back pay in 2013. Despite the CNT ruling in favour of the 2013 complainants, the university refused to provide floor fellows with remuneration and appealed the ruling. Back pay complaints, in combination with disputes over their wages, values, and job security, led floor fellows to unionize and join AMUSE in Fall 2014. A tentative agreement was reached and drafted on Dec. 6, but the administration subsequently withdrew from the contract. AMUSE filed an injunction with the Superior Court of Quebec, claiming that McGill was in violation of Quebec labour laws, but the injunction was denied by the court, leading AMUSE and McGill to re-enter negotiations.

If the latest tentative agreement is approved, floor fellows who were employed between 2013-2016 will receive up to 30 per cent of their original claim, depending on the year of their employment. AMUSE members will vote on both the tentative agreement and the settlement of back pay claims as a combined package.

“The settlement that we came up with may or may not be accepted by [floor fellows], but it’s all or nothing now that we’ve come to the [collective agreement],” Michela said. “[….] It’s conceivable that someone might think that [the settlement] wasn’t enough.”

Isabelle Oke, vice-president Floor fellow at AMUSE, consulted with floor fellows on March 30.

“[There is] excitement that something is happening, but also a lot of wondering where other people are at,” Oke said. “Because this involves so many people, and a lot of people who have already graduated, it’s hard to have one way of communicating about how people are feeling about this.”

Despite the variety of interests and demands involved in the tentative agreement, Oke is confident that the vote will pass.

“From what I’ve gathered, people are taking this in as a full agreement,” Oke said. “They’re taking it in for what it is, which is something that is resolving back pay and the next three years of working conditions.”

In an email to The McGill Tribune, Shuaibo Huang, U3 Arts and a floor fellow at the Carrefour Sherbrooke residence, wrote that he plans to vote ‘yes’ during the upcoming GA.

“I am very disappointed that our current working condition is illegal,” Huang wrote. “I and many other floor fellows would [like] to see the [floor fellow] values, which McGill has already agreed upon, to be reflected in the final collective agreement [….] This is one of the key reasons why I am voting ‘yes’ in the incoming GA.”

Arts & Entertainment, Music

A roundtable discussion on Kendrick Lamar’s new album

by Eric Noble-Marks, Dylan Adamson, Zikomo Smith, Jordan Foy, Gibran Haque on

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Kendrick Lamar shook the hip-hop world to its core last week with the release of new single “The Heart Pt. 4,” which hinted at a release date of April 7 for the rap regent’s forthcoming new album. With rumours swirling of a new single to be released that very night (“Humble” was indeed dropped to much fanfare shortly after we finished recording), five of McGill’s biggest Kendrick die-hards sat down to discuss our hopes and expectations for the album. 

(Note: the following conversation has been edited for duration and clarity)

ENM: First of all, what are you hoping the new album will sound like?

ZS: Sonically, I’d love him to explore some of the sounds we heard on untitled unmastered, particularly tracks two and seven, which were massive standouts for me. I don’t want him to do anything too complex like on To Pimp a Butterfly (TPAB), but something a little more accessible. 

ENM: See, I’m on the other side. I want him to go more experimental and out there. 

GH: Even untitled was just B-sides from TPAB. I don’t think he’d want to make the same album three times in a row.

JF: Totally, but I do hope there’s that underlying complexity where it’s a concept album and there’s a lot to sink your teeth into conceptually. That’s what I really like about Kendrick Lamar as opposed to other artists.

DA: I feel like I don’t need the afro-futurism angle of TPAB again. I found that sound immediately accessible, but what I really thought made the album have lasting power was the lyrical density. All the different themes of blackness, sexuality, Christianity, and coming of age gave it staying power for me. untitled unmastered had a lot of bangers though, so I guess I could have it both ways.

ENM: What do you think the album will sound like? Do you think your hopes will be fulfilled?

ZS: To be honest, I’m not really sure. I thought it was interesting how he switched up the beat on “The Heart pt. 4” like he was doing a cypher or a freestyle, but it doesn’t give me any indication about where he’s going to go.

ENM: What little we’ve got to go on is pretty vague. Producer Syk Sense, who’s apparently heard the album, says it’s going to sound like a mixture of L.A. and Memphis production so I think it’s safe to say this is going to [be] a harder album in terms of production style.

GH: I’ll be happy if he goes over some Southern screwed and chopped instrumentals. That’d be super interesting. At this point, he can go towards so many directions sonically that you never know what he’s going to do.

ENM: I just hope he doesn’t make an album of just bangers. I think he can do more than that.

DA: Well, would you classify Good Kid, M.A.A.D City (GKMC) as that? Like end to end, that’s pretty much bangers, but it’s still a ridiculously complex album.

ENM: See, I don’t think that’s in the same league as TPAB.

DA: The beats on GKMC were less developed. At times on TPAB, the narrative elements were interesting but almost overwrought in a way that can be distracting.

GH: I was actually a really big fan of that. Like when we found out he was talking to Tupac at the very end, that was awesome. Right now, he’s the best at telling a story and making it well-realized within the context of the album.

JF: That’s true. Now you’re seeing people like Drake, Future, and the Weeknd are making huge albums designed to get streams. On More Life, you can pick and choose what songs you want to listen to, but Kendrick’s albums have to be listened to from beginning to end. 

ENM: Let’s talk politics. Kendrick went really political on his last record and things have only gotten worse politically. He can’t really go more political than he’s been in the past, but do you guys want a Trump diss album?

ZS: I don’t really want to hear him talk about Trump at all on this record. I’m not sure what new information he’s going to reveal unless he actually knows what the Russians are doing. I’m not sure if that’s going to bring something fresh to the table. I want to see him go personal, with political elements within that. It would be cool to hear more about his relationship with God, for example.

ENM: Do you guys see him going in a gospel tinged, Chance the Rapper-ish direction then?

JF: I hope not, I didn’t like Colouring Book.

DA: I feel like Kendrick’s a lot more complicated than Chance. I can’t see him spouting these unanimously positive lines. 

ENM: You don’t want an entire album of “I,” which is what that would be.

JF: If he does go in that direction, I think it’ll be part of the broader narrative of the album. Same with Trump.

ENM: Let’s talk about the new single that is supposedly dropping tonight [March 30]. It’s rumoured to be produced by Mike WiLL Made-It, which is a surprising choice for an artist of Kendrick’s stature. What do people think of Kendrick working with a more traditional producer?

GH: I don’t see a problem with it. He’s showed in the past that he can work with producers like that.

ENM: Mike WiLL Made-It is a more versatile producer than people give him credit for, too.

DA: Yeah, I mean he produced Beyoncé’s “Formation,” which had a crazy beat.

JF: I think there’d have to be some kind of compromise between Mike and Kendrick. If it’s Kendrick it’s generally not super traditional.

GH: Are we not going to talk about how he’s taking shots at Drake and Big Sean?

ZS: Yeah, it’s good to see someone taking shots at Drake. As good as Drake is, he’s not that proficient at what he does.

ENM: Regardless of your opinion of him, I think we can all agree that Drake does not want a feud with Kendrick Lamar.

JF: Kendrick would kill him. 

DA: I don’t even want Kendrick to be feuding with Drake. There are better ways to spend your time.

GH: Even worse would be a Big Sean beef. That’s pointless. He’s just kind of discount, dollar store Drake. I wouldn’t mind one call out verse though. 

ENM: Yeah, mostly though, I just hope this record is different than what he put out before and different than what’s out there. 

GH: It will be.

DA: It’s a testament to his consistency that none of us are even worrying that it could be, like, bad. 

GH: Kendrick always finds a way.

Science & Technology

Montreal’s AMERICANA Conference: ‘From Innovation to Action’

by Angelina Giordano on

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The AMERICANA Conference, a forum and international trade show for environmental technologies, was held from March 21 through March 23 at the Palais des congrès de Montréal. With over 12,000 participants, 200 kiosks, and 200 conferences, the conference hall was packed. The participants and speakers represented 36 countries including Morocco, China, and France. First launched in 1995, the annual event was organized by Réseau Environment.

“This edition was a great success, with an increase in participation, but above all, an increased diversity of participants, through the integration of events parallel to the programming of AMERICANA,” Jean Lacroix, CEO of Réseau Environment, explained. “The diversity of the protagonists and sectors represented a decompartmentalization and convergence of interests for joint action in favor of the environment.”

The conference was predominantly francophone, though many of the conferences featured real-time English translation headsets.

Each day there were three presentations of each topic. The first two days brought leaders of green municipalities and innovators into discussion with other municipality leaders who would like to make their cities more efficient and environmentally sustainable. One lecture, titled “Circular economy, regional economic development and clean energy transition,” featured Jacky Aignel, the mayor of Le Mené, France. Le Mené is a 100 per cent RES (Renewable Energy Sources) city focused on implementing an exclusively renewable energy strategy. He explained how his city transitioned to green power.

Le Mené isn’t the only green-minded city in France. Jacques Saint-Marc, the former secretary general of the Interministerial group for mobility and electric vehicles in France, explained in his talk, “Innovating – easier than it looks: solutions for creative cities and businesses,” how France is mitigating the effects of climate change through their implementation of rentable electric vehicles (EVs). The EVs are designed to complement the transportation system of trains and bikes that were already in place. The government of France has offered subsidies to companies  willing to install this technology. One firm–the Bolloré Group–has taken advantage of the offer and plans to install 16,000 charging stations across the country.

One of the participants of the conference, Jonathan Arnold, representing Canada’s Ecofiscal Commission, explained that he enjoyed the conference, but found it difficult to network effectively due to its size. The Ecofiscal Commission is a think-tank that creates policy reports and advises politicians on how their plans could be implemented. His interests lie specifically in water and waste management. Arnold came prepared and had already emailed groups and individuals in his field to let them know that he was coming so that they could meet. The most interesting, if not terrifying, fact he learned at the conference was that if there was an oil spill tomorrow in Montréal, there would only be enough water reserves for up to 16 hours.

The last panel was titled, “From COP22 to driving forces: the role of the young generation in sustainable development implementation.” Its speakers included Nicolas Eyssallenne, representing the Canadian delegation of young business professionals at the COP22 conference in Marrakech: Cap DD, and Marie-Chantal Vincent representing Écosystémie. The lecture highlighted their experiences in Marrakech, the opportunity for young professionals to join them next year, the new technologies being developed by youth, and the other opportunities for youth to get involved in the green revolution.

Baseball, Sports

Baseball in Montreal: more than just memories

by André Morin on

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Walking into any Montreal metro station on the evening of March 31, many commuters were probably confused to see the unfamiliar sight of baseball fans. Draped in Blue Jays blue and white with smatterings of the old Expos colours, fans packed onto the subway to head to see the Blue Jays and Pittsburgh Pirates face off in the final spring training series at the Olympic Stadium.

Those who showed up early witnessed a pre-game ceremony honouring former Expos outfielder Tim Raines—a fan favourite and recent addition to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Joining him on the field were several of his old teammates ,including Bill “Spaceman” Lee, Warren Cromartie, and Jeff Reardon. The crowd went wild for Raines as he entered the field in a golf cart. A video tribute, highlighting moments from his time with the Expos, and he was awarded a base with the number 808 on it—a representation of his stolen base total. 

After Raines threw out the ceremonial first pitch, it was time to play. It may only have been a preseason game, but to onlookers, it might as well have been late October. Every Blue Jays hit or spectacular defensive play was met with raucous applause, and every time Montrealer Russell Martin stepped into the batter’s box, cheers rained down from the stands. Though the game ended in an anticlimactic 1-1 tie, the fans showed that baseball fandom still lives in Montreal. It should prove only a matter of time before the MLB returns to La Belle Province.

The excitement from the fans did not go unnoticed by MLB commissioner Rob Manfred, who told reporters that he is open to the idea of bringing baseball back to Montreal. Outside of the commissioner’s office, The Canadian Press announced that a group of investors in Montreal have met the demands laid out by the league for the return of a MLB team to the city. Last year, two Montreal businessmen, Stephen Bronfman and Mitch Garber, publicly revealed their commitment to bringing back an MLB team. Bronfman’s father, Charles, was the majority owner of the Expos from the team’s formation in 1968 until 1990, when he sold the team to a consortium of local investors.

Last summer, Manfred told reporters that Montreal and Mexico City were his two personal frontrunners for expansion teams, but that the league has some problems it needs to address before thinking about adding another team. Both the Tampa Bay Rays and Oakland Athletics have stadium issues that need to be resolved, and having Montreal as an option in its back pocket allows the league to put pressure on these cities to invest in new venues. 

The lack of an acceptable stadium is also one of the main barriers to a new Montreal team. The Olympic Stadium housed the Expos from 1977-2004, but is outdated and was never a suitable home for the team. The reality of the situation is that it would require a new multi-million dollar downtown stadium to entice the MLB to bring baseball back to Montreal. The investors are also aware of this and scouted various potential locations and designs for a new stadium fitting this criteria.

Montrealers have proven that baseball is still alive; whether or not these plans materialize is up to the MLB, investors, and the Quebec government. 

Arts & Entertainment, Theatre

Play review: ‘Angélique’ demands that Canada confront a painful past

by Eric Noble-Marks on

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There’s a smug detachment that accompanies the way a lot of Canadians talk about their past. Despite our country's tradition of violence and systematic oppression, many Canadians perceive our history to be bemusedly boring—something to be admired from afar but never thoroughly confronted or engaged with. We too often have the tendency to excuse our country’s complicity in history’s great systems of oppression, to lay the blame of race, class, and gender-based injustices squarely at the feet of our neighbour to the South. Even now, when Canada is seemingly beset on all sides by the bigotry and hatred of radical right-wing populism, many of us point to our Liberal Prime Minister and government and multicultural values and say “it could never happen here.” 

This attitude is what makes Angélique such an important play for this particular political moment. Written by the late Lorena Gale in 1998, the play is an unflinching, stomach-churning look at Canada’s complicity in the international tragedy of slavery. It tells the story of Marie-Josèph Angélique, a slave who arrived in Montreal in the summer of 1730 at the age of 20. There, she faced physical and sexual violence, bondage, and degradation before she was ultimately hanged on trumped up charges of setting fire to the city of Montreal. 

Steeped in such violent and grotesque subject matter, Angélique is often hard to watch. The production’s stark, white lighting and sparse staging provide a viewing experience that feels both cold and claustrophobic, forcing the viewer to face the play’s atrocities directly. 

Nevertheless, the play’s multivalent and deeply complex performances elevate its characters above simple victims and monsters. Jenny Brizard in particular plays the title character with a revelatory ferocity, depicting a young woman who never fully succumbs to despair despite her abhorrent circumstances. This is a play about black pain and white oppression, but Angélique never feels like a placeholder for political aims. Indeed, she suffers terribly, but also finds fleeting joy in the darkest of places. It’s a delicate balancing act, but one that Brizard performs with effortless grace. Her spellbinding performance provides a steady base for the play’s ambitious structure to build upon.

Far from a simple period piece, Angélique juxtaposes Canada’s history of slavery with modern racial issues. This is done almost literally in the play’s costuming, where colonial jackets blend with modern outerwear and town criers morph into newscasters at the drop of a hat. With the exception of some forced moments in the play’s final act, for the most part this is done elegantly, successfully reshaping the way the viewer sees contemporary Canada as well as its past.

Angélique is a tour-de-force, both politically relevant and emotionally resonant. Though essentially a play about the past, it contains an important map towards a better future for our country, one where black pain is not trivialized and black voices are not silenced. In a society where ‘multiculturalism’ is often used as a crutch to avoid having meaningful discussions about race, it is powerful, essential viewing. 

Angelique, a co-production between Tableau D'Hôte Theatre and Black Theatre Workshop​, is playing in The Studio at the Segal Centre for the Performing Arts at 5170 Chemin de la Côte Ste Catherine until April 2. Tickets are $27 general admission, $24 for seniors, and $22 for students and union members. Visit www.blacktheatreworkshop.ca/angelique/ for more information. 

 

News, SSMU

SSMU Restructuring: How the addition of VP Operations affected SSMU

by Cherry Wu on

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Near the end of the 2015-2016 term, the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU) Legislative Council amended the SSMU constitution to separate the Vice-President (VP) Finance & Operations portfolio into two new positions starting in 2016-2017: VP Finance and VP Operations, which has been renamed as VP Sustainability & Operations.

Currently, the VP Operations Portfolio oversees the revenue-generating operations of SSMU, including Gerts, Sadie’s, and MiniCourses. Although these responsibilities have always existed under VP Finance & Operations, previous executives were unable to focus on both finances and operations because of the overarching scope of the portfolio.

Last year’s executives were also heavily affected by the absence of a General Manager (GM) in the fall semester. Zach Houston, the 2015-2016 VP Finance & Operations, was unable to properly manage building operations since the demands of finances alone became too overwhelming. Kimber Bialik, the 2015-2016 VP Clubs & Services, which was restructured to become VP Student Life in 2016-2017, became responsible for facilities during crises. As a result, the current VP Operations Sacha Magder was trained collectively by Bialik and Houston due to their respective knowledge of facilities and finances.

“[….] Since Zach [Houston] was more involved with finances, he really didn’t have enough information [on operations],” Magder said. “Kimber was in charge of buildings only when crises came up, [and] did not have time to do long-term building plans. September and October was a huge adjustment period.”

MiniCourses were especially affected by Magder’s difficult transition. He has since improved its low registration rate of 224 in the Fall 2016 to 406 in the winter semester.

“I take [the low registration rate] as partially my own responsibility,” Magder said. “But at the time, we did try our best. Now, at least, I feel confident enough to train my successors, so that they don't have that lack of knowledge when they start in September.”

Since the splitting of the VP Finance & Operations portfolio, Magder has also taken over the sustainability objectives, which were originally under the President’s portfolio. He has worked on issues such as waste management and community outreach.

“I am in charge of supervising the environment commissioner, who runs the environment committee [.…] And work very closely with the McGill Office of Sustainability,” Magder said. “I am also organizing the SSMU Courtyard Garden Project that is [being developed] in the back of the SSMU Building.”

The division of responsibilities and the addition of a seventh executive has also allowed current VP Finance Niall Carolan to concentrate solely on budgets and administrative work, such as cheque requests. At the end of his term, Carolan will set the budget for next year’s executive.

“In the end of the year, we are hoping to post a $100,000 surplus above breakeven,” Carolan said. “The money will be invested back into the Capital Expenditures Reserves Fund. Any money beyond the surplus will be invested back into the society. I would like to see more investments into student resources next year, as this year the staff has faced challenges of budget constraints from last year’s deficit.”

Despite the separation, VP Finance and VP Operations are still closely related: While VP Operations handles the day-to-day affairs, VP Finance oversees the monthly profits to make sure they align with the set targets. For the upcoming year, VP Finance and VP Sustainability & Operations, and will likely remain close.

“We can put more of an emphasis on sustainability and physical spaces, which is great,” VP Operations-elect Anuradha Mallik said. “Considering [that VP Finance-elect] Arisha [Khan] and I have an established relationship already, I feel like collaboration will be easy and effective.”

Joke

Parkour MiniCourse coming soon to McTavish

by Jack Mackland on

More in Joke:

In an attempt to capitalize on the ongoing construction on McTavish, the Students’ Society of McGill University (SSMU) is rolling out a brand new MiniCourse: Campus Parkour. The course promises to be an exciting opportunity for both thrill-seekers and students just trying to get to class on time. 

The course has been in development since this year’s McTavish construction project began, when Earl Paxton, McGill alumnus and parkour aficionado, pitched the idea to SSMU. Paxton was inspired in part by his own experience as a self-employed parkour teacher, but also by a preexisting university workshop on student safety when navigating campus constriction sites.

“I thought the safety thing was great because McTavish really is a danger-zone right now,” Paxton said. “But then I was like, why bother with safety, when we could teach students how to get through that danger-zone in, like, the sickest ways possible?”

The MiniCourse will cover the three J’s of parkour–jumping off of stuff, jogging unnecessarily, and ‘just doing it’–and teach students to apply them specifically to McTavish terrain. Example exercises include free-climbing the fences around construction zones, backflipping off of moving bulldozers, and successfully scaling the metal staircase currently in place outside the Brown Building. 

Much like McTavish itself, developing the course has been an uphill and rocky process. SSMU initially rejected Paxton’s pitch unanimously, out of student safety and liability concerns, but when the construction safety workshops folded due to insufficient funding, Paxton’s parkour training was considered as a less expensive alternative.

“It’s not about the money, though,” Megan Green, SSMU representative, promised in a statement to /The Tribune/. “It’s about the fun. Who doesn’t want to learn parkour?”

Neither Green nor Paxton commented on early interest polling, which revealed that 89 per cent of students “had little to no interest” in learning parkour. 

Even after getting off the ground, the course faced setbacks. An early trial course landed one participant in the hospital, after attempting a pretty sweet 360 jump from the top flight of the metal stairs to the SSMU entrance. 

The incident could have shut the project down altogether. However, it was later found that the student, who suffered a broken collarbone and two fractured wrists, was not actually participating in the course—he was just running late for a midterm. 

Registration for the MiniCourse opens next month, and will remain open as long as McTavish construction continues. 

This article is a work of satire and is part of the joke issue. 

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