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Graduate school application checklist
a, Science & Technology

Tips for applying to grad school

by Maryse Thomas on

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With summer ahead, it’s the perfect time to start planning your applications to graduate school in science and engineering. Whether or not you’ve decided that you’re ready to apply, read on to learn more about what the application process entails and what you can do to improve your chances of getting in.

Before applying:

Seek out research experience:

The number one thing you can do to show grad schools that you are ready to undertake a graduate program is to get some research experience. While there are different types of graduate programs, most of them are research-based with just a few required courses. Having previous experience demonstrates that you are capable of doing research and that you know what it entails. It’s also the best way of finding out whether or not you will actually like graduate school.

If you don’t have any research experience yet, start now! Ask professors if they need volunteers in their labs, find a job as a research assistant this summer, or do a semester-long research project to fulfill requirements for your major. If you have the option to apply to an honours program, this is also an excellent opportunity to spend a year working in the lab. In any case, having some experience is a must if you want your graduate school application to be successful.

Decide where to apply:

While undergrad programs are relatively broad, graduate programs are more specialized, and the research that you undertake will be extremely specific. For this reason, you should begin your search by deciding what research topics you are interested in and then look for schools that have professors doing research on those topics. Instead of trudging through a maze of university websites, ask professors and graduate students what the best institutions and programs are for your field.

Once you’ve decided on several programs to apply for, write down all the deadlines and all the requirements for each school. Do this early in May so that you won’t be caught by surprise by application deadlines that can fall as early as September.

Find a supervisor:

A supervisor is the head of a lab or research group who mentors graduate students throughout their degree. Some programs will require you to find a supervisor before you are accepted, while others will only ask you to list supervisors that you would be interested in working with. Finding a supervisor you work well with is important because you will be working with them for several years depending on the length of your degree, and their research interests will dictate the type of work you end up doing.

The best way to find a supervisor is to ask for recommendations from professors you already know, and then to read several of their most recent papers. If you can see yourself working on projects similar to those already published, then it’s a sign that you may enjoy research in the lab. If there is more than one professor that you are interested in working with at a university, don’t be afraid to suggest a co-supervision. This type of collaboration can result in really unique research projects, and provide the opportunity to work on a close basis with multiple researchers.

Although having a great supervisor is important, it’s not the only thing that will determine whether or not you will enjoy your graduate student experience. You will be spending most of your time in the lab or students’ office, so try to meet other students in the program and get a feel for the environment before you make your final decision.

Apply for funding:

The best part about pursuing a graduate degree in the natural sciences, health, or engineering is that you can often receive funding to support you financially as you complete your studies. Funding can come from internal or external sources. Internal sources of funding are your program and your supervisor, who may pay you an annual stipend in addition to covering or subsidizing the cost of tuition. External sources of funding include scholarships, fellowships, and grants, which must be applied for separately from graduate applications.

(Maryse Thomas / McGill Tribune)
(Maryse Thomas / McGill Tribune)

While it may sound easier to rely on finding a program that guarantees internal funding to all of its students, it is always better to obtain your own, external funding. Doing so makes you extremely attractive to application reviewers because it saves them money, it makes it easier to get more funding later, and it shows that you are capable of writing a successful research grant.

Deadlines for external funding are often much earlier than deadlines for graduate schools (September to October), so make sure you plan early and add these dates to your master list. Funding applications usually ask for a one-page research proposal, copies of your transcript, and a short description of your research experience. If you haven’t decided on what grad programs to apply for yet, apply with your undergraduate research supervisor or professor. If your application is successful, you can always transfer the money to your new project. Well-known funding agencies in Canada are the Natural Sciences and Engineering Research Council (NSERC), Canadian Institutes of Health Research (CIHR), and Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council (SSHRC).

Completing the application:

Although graduate programs will differ in their individual application requirements, nearly all programs will require the following basic components.

Transcripts:

Most schools require an official transcript sent directly from the registrar’s office, so order these from Minerva early and make sure that they are received. You don’t want your application to be rejected because your transcript was late or never arrived.

GRE and subject GRE:

The Graduate Record Examination (GRE) is a standardized test used by graduate schools to compare students from different universities on a normalized scale. This is the grad school equivalent of the MCAT or LSAT. Most programs only require the general GRE, which tests students on quantitative reasoning (math), verbal reasoning (vocabulary and passage understanding) and analytical writing (essay writing). However, some programs may also ask for the subject GRE, such as the Physics, Psychology, or Biology GRE. A test centre in Montreal offers the general GRE twice a month, but subject tests are only offered once in September. In both cases, it’s best to register early because test dates will sell out.

The best way to prepare for the GRE is not necessarily to learn the material, but to learn how to take the test. The same types of questions will come up very often on the GRE, so if you learn how to do those questions, you will be more at ease on test day. Workbooks or preparatory courses are highly recommended to help you prepare.

Curriculum Vitae:

Adapt your CV to highlight your research experience. Separate “Research Experience” from “Work Experience” and put research at the top. Include any information that would show your interest in research like conferences you have attended, presentations you have given, and publications you may have. Don’t forget to list any funding or awards you have received.

Letters of recommendation:

Graduate schools usually require two or three letters of recommendation. The best people to ask for a reference are those who are familiar with your capabilities as a researcher, namely previous supervisors. Make sure that you ask for letters at least a month in advance, and don’t hesitate to send a reminder email when the deadline is two weeks away.

Personal statement:

The personal statement, also called the statement of purpose, is the most important part of your application. This is where you can demonstrate to reviewers that you weren’t just entering data that summer you worked in a lab. The personal statement asks you to describe your background, research experience, and your reason for applying to graduate school in one to two pages. Focus on your research experience and elaborate on specific things that you did to move a research project forward. Link this experience and your future goals to your background in order to create a cohesive statement. Finally, mention specifically why you chose to apply to the program in question and which supervisors you are interested in working with or plan to work with. Once you have written one personal statement, it will be easy to modify this section for subsequent applications.

Resources:

Visit McGill’s Career Planning Service (CAPS) website for more resources about applying to graduate school: mcgill.ca/caps/students/gradschool

a, Editorial, Opinion

In provincial election, student issues absent

by McGill Tribune Editorial Board on

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On April 7, Quebec will go to the polls to elect a new government. The campaign has been marked by claims and counterclaims of voter suppression, voter fraud, duplicity, and an overall tone of nastiness. What it hasn’t been marked by is attention to issues relating to university students.

That said, this editorial is not a lament that this election isn’t about student issues. With a semi-credible threat of another sovereignty referendum in the event of a majority government by the Parti Québécois (PQ),  it is understandable that other issues have taken a backseat in this election cycle. What makes this shift particularly notable, however, is that the last provincial election in 2012 revolved around a “student issue”—tuition fee increases proposed by the previous Jean Charest Liberal government. Those increases—seemingly substituted with punishing cutbacks to the budget for higher education funding—are now history, as is any discussion of university education. The only university students that have appeared in this cycle have been, paradoxically, out of province students, part of an attempt by elements in the PQ to revive the idea that nefarious outsiders are trying to usurp the electoral process.

With all of that said, here are a clear set of issues that students should look to come election day. The first of these is the proposed Charter of Values, which would ban public sector employees from wearing large religious symbols, and has lingered as one of the biggest political stories in the province since it was first officially proposed last Fall. While the charter is a broad issue, its effects specifically on universities, such as restrictions on the ability of professors of certain faiths to gain employment, as well as the potential for increased stigmatization and discrimination against students of the Muslim, Sikh, and Jewish faiths, are of particular importance

As critical as the charter is in any fair evaluation of the PQ’s handiwork over the past year and a half, just as important is remembering the party’s reversal on university funding. While the original tuition fee increases proposed by the Liberal Party were rescinded, the government followed that up with punishing cuts to university funding—felt especially hard at McGill—that were, at best, equivalent to if not worse than tuition increases, in terms of their effect on students.  Course cuts and library closures have marked the past year at this university, and much of the blame lies with the provincial government. A useless summit on higher education and the enactment of indexed tuition increases too small to actually undo the budget cut damage did not help. On the issue that brought them to power in the first place, empowering and improving university students, the PQ have come up far too short.

One last student issue that has been under the radar is the PQ’s reduction in the tuition tax credit for students. The adjustment, which cuts the tax credit from 20 per cent to eight per cent, was actually supported by some student unions, and there is a public policy case to be made that tax credits are a highly inefficient means of assistance to most groups.

However, the relative lack of coverage of the change only goes to underscore the low profile student issues have had this campaign, and the responsibility of voters to inform themselves when exercising their vote next week. A healthy dose of skepticism aside, there are real differences between the parties, and whatever choice is made next week will have real, tangible effects for students. Presuming eligibility, to abstain would be unfair, and to vote without informing one’s self would be irresponsible.

a, Joke

My 2048 obsession

by Swarlee Salt on

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As I write this, it has been 1 day, 13 hours, and 24 minutes since I last played 2048.

For those who have never heard of 2048, the new single-player video game first launched in Italy in March, 2014. The objective of the game—started by 19-year-old Gabriele Cirulli—is to combine numbered tiles on a grid to create the 2048 tile. It seems like a fun, simple, and predictable procrastination tool. But it has spread across the globe like a raging epidemic, destroying the lives of countless misinformed people.

Two week ago I noticed a friend’s Facebook status stating that he had just won 2048. Prior to this, I was sheltered and ignorant to the game’s appeal. Out of curiosity I clicked on the link and began arbitrarily tapping my arrow keys. After closing the window, I thought little of the incident as I went about the rest of my day.

With some spare time between classes the following day, I opened the link on my browser for the second time. Little did I know then that this exact moment would trigger my rapid downward spiral. The rest of the afternoon is a blur. Fuelled by Tim Hortons coffee, I found myself lost in the sea of orange squares in the early hours of the morning.

Every combination of numbers gave me a feeling of satisfaction and I yearned for the exhilaration when navigating out of a nearly filled grid. Soon, it became the first thing I did in the morning and the last thing I did before bed. In the library, instead of studying for my economics midterm, I passed minutes and then hours trying to reach that golden number. I distanced myself from friends and family. I stopped listening during conversation with my thoughts entangled in my urge to play the next game. The combination of 2048 while watching Parenthood on Netflix was even more precarious, and I’d go on day-long binges completely enthralled and stuck on an emotional roller-coaster that I never wanted to end.

Nonetheless, no one seemed to notice that anything was wrong—friends even encouraged me to play. But the game began to haunt me— even when I wasn’t actually playing, it was on my mind. In class, as I drifted in and out of sleep, I visualized the game behind my weary eyelids.

This isn’t the first time a video game has taken over my life. In high school, my vice was Tetris. All throughout grade 11, I watched the coloured geometric Tetris blocks float through a black abyss in my dreams, until eventually I had to make a clean break from the game.

I realized I needed to do the same for 2048. I deleted the app from my phone and installed Self Control so that I could blacklist the website. I’ve had one relapse since then.

There are many other students across campus struggling with the same demons. At first glance you may not even realize that someone’s a player, but sit behind them in just one lecture and it will soon become clear.

Preliminary statistics reveal that one in every one students has tried playing 2048 at least once in their life, and twenty forty-eighths of these have described feelings of extreme satisfaction when playing Unfortunately, we can only support those who decide for themselves that they are ready to make the transition to a 2048-free life.

As I finish my confession, it has now been 1 day, 20 hours, and 48 minutes.

Swarlee has been out of contact for last three days. Sources have spotted her hiding in McLennan playing Doge 2048. Much problematic. Very sadness.

 This story is a work of satire and appeared as part of our April Fools Issue 2014.

a, Joke

McGill Sports Briefs – April 1

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Badminton, Bro

At 5’4”, Percy Shuttlecoque doesn’t exactly have the ideal build for a varsity badminton player. But what he lacks in size he makes up in finesse. With an arm like a whip, Shuttlecoque can fire the birdy anywhere on theabadminton court with ease. Along with an impressive vertical leap, Shuttlecoque attributes his dominance to simple practice.
“I’m usually on the court at dawn every day, rallying with my dad or my brother,” Shuttlecoque said.
Son of badminton legend Jeremiah Shuttlecoque, Percy hopes to carry on the Shuttlecoque legacy at McGill as a redshirt freshman next year. This season, he was suspended for conduct detrimental to McBill SPOOOOOORTZ after attempting to use Marty the Martlet as his birdie.

 

Buffet’s Billions

Noted Creighton Fighting McBuckets fan and part-time multi-billionaire Warren Buffet made waves earlier this year when he announced that he would award $1 billion to anyone who was able to fill out a perfect March Madness bracket. Unsurprisingly no common citizen has an unscathed bracket. Every citizen except for an 83-year-old multi-billionaire from Omaha, Nebraska named Warren Buffet. However, Buffet forgot to join his own competition.

As the NCAA Tournament moves into the Final Four, Buffet has been seen pacing the offices of Berkshire Hathaway waving around a thus-far perfect bracket and loudly cursing himself much to the detriment of office morale.

 

Bilateral Trade Agreements

In a surprise announcement, NCAA President Mark Emmert and CIS President Leo MacPherson held a joint press conference at the scenic border town of Niagara Falls. The two collegiate athletics power brokers shocked the sporting world by announcing that the winner of the NCAA Tournament will have to face the winner of the CIS Tournament, the Carleton Ravens, in a winner-takes-all super-final to determine the North American champion. The Ravens, who won their 10th CIS Championship in 12 years, were awarded the opportunity to beat the eventual NCAA champions by virtue of their 95-82 victory against the Wisconsin Badgers in the pre-season. There were also talks to have future Vanier Cup winners play the winner of the College Football Playoff.

This story is a work of satire and appeared as part of our April Fools Issue 2014.

a, News

Prostitution laws in Canada face one year revision process

by Wendy Chen on

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On Dec. 20, 2013, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled three sections of the Canadian Criminal Code regarding prostitution to be unconstitutional. The resulting one-year allowance period to rewrite these laws has sparked debate across the country on the matter of prostitution and its regulation.

In the Bedford vs. Canada case of 2007, three sex-workers challenged three sections of the Canadian Criminal Code regarding prostitution: the Bawdy-House Law, which prohibited prostitutes from using a space repeatedly for work; the Living on the Avails Law, which criminalized those who had work-related relationships with prostitutes; and the Communicating Law, which made it illegal for prostitutes to communicate about their work in a public place.

Sex workers argued that because prostitution itself was legal in Canada, these peripheral laws were infringing upon their freedom and endangering them by not allowing them certain practices such as working in safe and familiar places, filtering through their clients, and hiring bodyguards.

On Dec. 20, the Supreme Court ruled the three laws to be unconstitutional.

“They decided that all of those things made prostitution riskier and more harmful to women and was not consistent with the principles of fundamental justice,” Christopher Manfredi, dean of Arts and Political Science professor at McGill, said. “The court is in some sense saying, we should treat prostitution—at least as it’s practiced voluntarily by adults—like any risky work and not have regulations that increase the risk.”

Following the decision, the Supreme Court gave parliament a one-year period to decide on a new framework of laws on sex work. Since then, there have been various suggestions for approaches regarding this issue.

“Some people are afraid that the government’s response will be to criminalize prostitution itself,” Manfredi said. “I don’t think the government will go in that direction […] because [that] is very difficult to enforce and would be a step backwards from where we are now.”

In their documentary “Red Light Green Light,” directors Jay and Michelle Brock argue the importance of considering the impact of legalization on human trafficking.

“There seemed to be one critical piece missing from the whole discussion [on prostitution] and that was trafficking prevention,” Michelle said.

Michelle argued for a model of institution which would criminalize pimps and patrons of sex work, while decriminalizing those who sell sex, such as prostitutes. This is similar to the Nordic model that Sweden currently implements.

“While some people may gain from the removal of the provisions, for others who are more vulnerable and don’t have bargaining powers, the removal of the anti-prostitution laws might be harmful because it skews the power dynamics in favour to those who can exploit them,” she said.

However, Manfredi said the Nordic model would not be a good choice for Canada.

“It seems to me that embracing the Nordic model, as I understand it, is a step backward from where we are in Canada, where the exchange [of sex] is completely legal,” said Manfredi. “It seems like the women in the Bedford case were actually fighting to make their activities more legal and more able to be pursued in the open.”

Beth Gowing, a current graduate student at Université de Montréal, has researched sex trafficking for over two years. She argued against the complete legality of sex workers.

“What happens when prostitution is fully decriminalized is that governments will try to put in place security techniques such as red light districts, but the danger is that there would be no real way to regulate sex trafficking, and it would be even more disguised,” Gowing said. “Statistically, in countries such as the Netherlands that have legalized prostitution, the sex trafficking rates have skyrocketed.”

Manfredi encouraged students to research and understand potential directions in which the laws could be changed.

“The court is open to many different options, and students should contribute to the debate and make their opinions known,” he said.

Gowing agreed, noting the importance and relevance of the issue of human trafficking to students.

“It can happen to anyone, and anyone is vulnerable,” she said.

Mais Montreal
a, Student Life

Restaurant Maïs takes tacos to the top

by Alycia Noë on

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Ever since opening in December 2012, Maïs has been an instant hit for foodies in Mile End. Their tacos are so delectable that they have amassed a cult-like following.

William Cody and Gilbert MacNutt, two inventive guys from the Maritimes, are the chefs behind the counter. Customers sit in the small dining space overlooking the kitchen as the chefs prepare their modern, Latin-inspired dishes.

“We’ve all worked in the industry for a while, so we know what works and what doesn’t,” MacNutt says. “We are cooking for cooks and people who really enjoy food.”

Maïs creates delicious food and accommodates all diners. Most tacos are gluten-free, and the menu boasts a healthy range of vegetarian and vegan options. One standout is unquestionably the mushroom taco—a mix of sautéed and fresh mushrooms stuffed into a warmed tortilla and topped with jalapeño salad, cilantro, and an incredible house-made spicy crema (Mexican crème fraîche).

I order their fish because—like true Maritimers—the chefs always impress with their seafood. They certainly know how to make delicious fish tacos; the pan-seared Artic char taco showcases my most-loved ingredients: homemade guacamole with pickled cabbage and carrots. Another fish option is the imaginative charred squid taco topped with jalapeño salsa, pickled red onion, and cilantro.

Don’t be misled; the chefs still love their meat. Most tables are adorned with a bowl of chicharrones. These bite-size chunks of deep fried pork skin are the perfect combination of crunchiness and saltiness, and are the most gluttonous indulgence. The braised pork belly taco is another meat-centric dish topped with pickled black beans, cilantro salad, chili slices, and crema. The textural contrast between the fillings and the soft tortilla shell is tantalizing. The carnitas taco offers another delightful selection, filled with a generous helping of tender, confit pork, onions, coriander, and salsa verde.

The owners take pride in the sustainable use of resources at their restaurant. All the restaurant’s furniture is made from recycled materials, like their tables and chairs, which are built from the wood of an old deck in Westmount.

There is also an undeniable creative vibe, as their staff is mostly made up of artists who have helped develop the decor. As MacNutt remarks, “The whole restaurant has been built by artisans.”

One of the more remarkable aspects of the restaurant is their rooftop garden, which supplies the chefs with fresh produce throughout the year—currently chili peppers, tomatoes, zucchini, and herbs. MacNutt and Cody claim that their passion for local produce comes from their upbringing in the Maritimes.

The chefs want diners to leave not only with a full belly but also with an excellent experience.

“We’ve really stripped [the experience] down [to] where it is not pretentious,” MacNutt says. “We want people to have fun, and we want to make people happy.”

Stop by at Maïs for a light and refreshing meal perfect for the warm weather and to supply some heat to this never-ending winter. Before you prepare your outing however, make sure to bring cash because the restaurant does not accept credit cards.

5439 Saint-Laurent 

Tue. – Wed. 5:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m.

Thu. – Sat. 5:00 p.m. to 12:00 a.m.

Closed on Sun. and Mon.

514-507-7740

 

a, Arts & Entertainment, Music

Tokyo Police Club—Forcefield

by Aidan Carroll on

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These indie rockers from Newmarket, Ontario have had some time to craft their indie-punk sound and style since their first full-length album, Elephant Shell, was released in 2008. It’s for this reason that it comes as a surprise to hear that on latest release Forcefield, Tokyo Police Club go lighter on the crunchy riffs and punchy pop verses that characterized Champ (2010). Forcefield has a clean and chorus-focused sound that puts emphasis on Graham Wright’s keyboard playing and Josh Hook’s driving, punk-inspired guitar.

On Forcefield, Tokyo Police Club has given their music a pop-oriented feel that tends to play it safe. Engineered by Doug Boehm, who has worked with Miley Cyrus and Fall Out Boy, songs like “Hot Tonight” and “Miserable” work with a steady bass line that builds into bright choruses that don’t take chances musically or lyrically, but provide an entertaining tune with simple yet memorable lyrics.

Though this release feels a lot like an attempt to appeal to a wider pop audience, Tokyo Police Club’s musicianship and production quality are evident. Songs like “Tunnel Vision” and “Argentina (Parts I, II, III)” showcase smooth instrumentation and production that allows for a crisp and defined sound.

Overall, Tokyo Police Club delivered an entertaining album that strays from the sound created by the band on their previous releases. With high production value, catchy lyrics, and some stellar moments on the keyboard, Forcefield marks a departure from more grungy pop-punk roots towards a sound engineered to be in the Top 40, and subsequently, a more polished pop sound that isn’t all that exciting.

a, Baseball, Basketball, Hockey, Soccer, Sports

Around the Water Cooler — April 1

by Mayaz Alam on

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In case you were too busy trying to figure out the difference between Winter and Spring in Montreal, here’s what you missed in the Sweet Sixteen and Elite Eight…

Wisconsin Badgers — For the first time in Head Coach Bo Ryan’s career, the Wisconsin Buzzcuts have made the Final Four, knocking out pre-season favourites Arizona in overtime, 64-63. Frank Kaminsky led the way with 28 points, proving that un-athletic and gangly ‘athletes’ with mop-tops do, in fact, have a place in basketball. Wisconsin, usually known for its slow-paced, grind-it-out, decidedly ugly brand of basketball, actually has a team that is worth watching this year. Nevertheless, Ryan has continued to scowl despite the success of the squad this season, because scowling is the one thing that Bo Ryan can do better than coach basketball.

Florida Gators — The Florida Gators are the only team to not break any brackets this post-season, and have advanced to the Final Four. The team grounded the Dayton Flyers 62-52 to enter the final weekend of the season. The Flyers had already beaten Ohio State, Syracuse, and Stanford—a who’s who of college athletics—before falling to the Gators, a team that trots out four senior starters. For Southerners, it’s a reminder that there is life after college football, and that non-football playing student-athletes deserve to get paid, too. If only Florida’s football season had gone this well.

Connecticut Huskies — No, that isn’t Kemba Walker; it’s Shabazz Napier, apparently doing his best impression of the current NBA player. The senior has put the Huskies on his back so often that it’s surprising he’s still able to stand up straight. The latest act of heroism came in Connecticut’s 60-54 win over the Michigan State Spartans—President Barack Obama’s National Championship pick. At this point it is certain that anything is within the realm of possibility for the Connecticut Napiers.

Kentucky Wildcats — The Kiddy Cats started the season in the top four and are going to be ending the season in the Final Four after an unprecedented streak of play that belies their youth. Kentucky ousted last year’s national runner-up Michigan 75-72 in a back-and-forth affair in the Elite Eight. It was fitting that the Wildcats beat the Wolverines, as the last team to make it to the Final Four with an all-freshman starting lineup was the “Fab Five” of Michigan in 1992. Kentucky Head Coach John Calipari proved that talent beats hard work— when the talent comes in the form of seven All-Americans.

 

a, Joke

Phone call proves turning point in midterm defeat

by Kevin Lent on

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5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Silence. Pens dropped in frustration. Hands wringed in pain. It was over and there were no survivors. Students slowly trudged down the steps of Leacock 132 to hand in their midterms. They emerged from the cavernous venue after their BIOL 202 midterm this past week, disheartened and frustrated. Professor XX pulled out all the stops, with just that one jerk leaving before time was up.

“I think the worst part is that if I’d had one more day I know I would have crushed it,” U2 Biology major 270382048 said. “At this point I just hope everyone else did as badly as I did so I can ride the bell curve to a decent grade.”

Early reports, however, have suggested that a student-friendly bell curve is unlikely. Professor XX has stated that he feels the exam was definitely fair. Its format has been widely criticized, with students grumbling about its lack of questions in the multiple choice section, and the exam’s focus on material that seemed unimportant in class.

“Come on, that stuff was barely on the lecture slides,” U1 Physiology major 204820482 said. “I just ended up making something up, so hopefully I won’t end up with a zero in that section.”

Students were offered no compensation for the distractions that arose during the allotted time. With less than 10 minutes left on the clock, the supervising TA’s phone began to ring.

“He just picked it up and started talking,” 204820482 said. “Unbelievable. How was I supposed to focus on my test when he kept going on and on about the series finale of How I Met Your Mother.”

According to one group of friends who were seated together, the ringing sound could not have come at a worse time.

“That phone call was the final straw,” 270382048 said. “We tried to ignore it, but when people started murmuring, it was just too much. There’s a limit to how much paper-shuffling someone can tolerate. You would think that the TA would be the one making sure the midterm went smoothly, but obviously he blew some calls.”

The midterm was suffocating over the full three hours of regulation, holding the class of over 200 to a stingy 65 per cent average. During the first half, students were overwhelmed by the absurdity of the content. The second half proved no better, as Professor XX reported that most students left around two to three questions completely blank.

Perhaps the most telltale sign of the difficulties that students had is the sheer number of people claiming they were just glad to have it over with, while simultaneously reassuring one another that it probably went fine.

“I think I’ve earned a bit of break after today,” U2 Anatomy major 216322048 said. “I put off studying for this midterm until the last minute, but that definitely won’t happen for the final.”

Despite the unfavourable results, students were confident that they would ace the final, which will take place on Apr. 27 in Love Competition Hall.

This story is a work of satire and appeared as part of our April Fools Issue 2014.

a, Arts & Entertainment, Music

Karmin—Pulses

by Jack Neal on

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After rising to global fame through their YouTube channel, the band Karmin—made up of couple Amy Heidemann and Nick Noonan—was signed to record label Epic, released a string of EPs and, finally, debuted their first full-length LP, Pulses. Characterized by a unique image, Heidemann’s seemingly unparalleled rapping style, and Noonan’s solid production, the pair seemed destined for greatness having finally ‘made it’—but Pulses suggests that they still have quite a way to go.

In a whirlwind of songs that is part Nicki Minaj-tailored lyrical flow, part Katy Perry-esque overproduction, and one hundred per cent electronic, Pulses takes listeners on a journey of tireless rapping and intermittent piano ballads. Album single “Acapella” is an electronic-heavy number with odd backing vocals, autotune work, and unenthused lyrics like, “Once upon a time, I met the perfect guy; he had that Colgate smile, he had that suit and tie.” “Night Like This” sees Karmin trying to impersonate One Direction’s musical style with lyrics about “Rocking your body to the beat like this,” and then there’s “Pulses,” a synth-heavy song that sees Karmin comparing a heartbeat and pulse with their undying love for each other—hardly an original theme.

It isn’t until “Neon Love” that Heidemann’s vocal capability becomes apparent—which is a shame, considering she’s clearly refined her talent. But maybe that’s the problem; in taming their sound and production, they’ve forgotten the originality that made Karmin notable in the first place.

Noonan sings on “Pulses” that he’s going to “Make sure that you’re alive,” however, listening to this record will do the opposite; Pulses got Karmin’s large fan base buzzing because of the band’s quirkiness and the mutual appreciation that the band and its fans have for each other, yet on the album, their uniqueness fails to shine through. This album is a little too much of everything—too electronic; too produced; too keen to sound mainstream, and therefore, too plain. On “Neon Love” we hear them sing that “This neon love is destined to die,” and I fear that based on this effort, the Karmin brand might suffer the same fate.

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