For those of you who don’t keep TSN as your home page or Sports Illustrated as your bedtime reading, we know sports can be hard to understand, this section is for you.
Salacious solicitation scandal
NCAA FOOTBALL: Auburn quarterback Cam Newton is one of the most exciting athletes you’ll ever see. His passing and running abilities are sublime (watch his ridiculous highlights on YouTube) and he’s the runaway favourite to win the Heisman Trophy. That is, until last week, when the news broke that Newton’s father, Cecil, had attempted to solicit a “pay for play” agreement for his son in the neighbourhood of six figures. Cecil has admitted to the charges but contends that his son was unaware of his dealings. Regardless, this is another devastating blow to the integrity of amateur college athletics south of the border. If Newton plays the rest of the season (and doesn’t get suspended by Auburn or the NCAA), look for him to dominate, for Auburn to remain undefeated and for the National Championship game to be surrounded by serious (and deserved) controversy.
Lions roughly ridden
CFL PLAYOFFS: In what is sure to go down as an all-time great Conference semifinal playoff game, the Saskatchewan Roughriders defeated the B.C. Lions 41-38 in double overtime. Adding insult to injury, former Lion Jason Clermont scored the winning touchdown against his former team. Saskatchewan will go on to play Calgary in the Western Finals. In the other playoff game, Toronto defeated Hamilton 16-13 in the “Battle of Ontario” to set up a classic Eastern Conference final matchup against rival Montreal.
Pacman chews up Margarito
BOXING: Manny Pacquiao, the pride of the Philippines, staked his claim to be considered one of boxing’s all-time greats Saturday night when he absolutely demolished Antonio Margarito. Margarito, who was 17 pounds heavier and 4½ inches taller, was beaten so badly by the quick and powerful Pacquiao that he will need serious facial reconstruction surgery to repair his fractured right eye socket. This victory keeps the door open for a potential $100 million superfight with undefeated defensive wizard Floyd Mayweather Jr. It may be too late however, as Mayweather is facing domestic abuse charges and potential jail time.
Three kings or three stooges?
NBA: The Miami Heat now have more losses than they do all-stars. The new “big-three” suffered their third and fourth losses of the season to Utah and Boston, respectively. Looks like the Heat could use some more talent in South Beach.
NHLers unaware of how to properly tip cabbies
NHL: Hockey players seem to have a serious problem with cabbies. Less than a year after Stanley Cup hero Patrick Kane assaulted a taxi driver over $1.20 (Kane has a contract worth $31 million), Calgary Flames centre Brett Sutter was arrested for drunkenly sucker-punching a cabbie in Phoenix. This is getting outrageous—do NHLers need to be refereed at all times?
Straight cash homie
NFL: Randy Moss took the field for the Tennessee Titans on Sunday. After getting himself kicked out of New England and Minnesota for bad behaviour (watch “Randy Moss—One Clap” by DJ Steve Porter for an incredible all-time compellation of Moss’ ridiculous quotes like, “Straight cash homie.” and “I play when I want to play”), this will be the third team that the former all-pro receiver has suited up for this season. Moss struggled again this weekend with one catch for 26 yards. If his poor performance and attitude continue, maybe he’ll get a chance at team number four later this season.
