In case you were too busy a) being a victim of a helmet-to-helmet hit from Bernard Pollard; b) doing carnival; or c) Lennay Kekua, here’s what you missed this past week in the world of sports …

COLLEGE FOOTBALL — Last week, we told you about how the world became obsessed with Alabama quarterback A.J. McCarron’s girlfriend. Now the world seems to have latched onto the romantic interest of his BCS Championship foe Manti Te’o from Notre Dame— well, sort of. In one of the most bizarre stories in recent sports history, it was revealed that Heisman Trophy finalist Te’o was the subject of a hoax involving a long distance girlfriend named Lennay Kekua who he claimed to be in a relationship with over the past year. This fake girlfriend “passed away” in September, and Te’o dedicated his season to her. According to major sports news outlets, Te’o was totally tricked into believing he had a girlfriend—they spoke on the phone, sent pictures to each other, but neither met in person nor used Skype—because, you know, using Skype doesn’t really make sense in the year 2012, especially when your girlfriend gets in a car accident and then develops leukemia. According to ESPN, the hoax was set up by Te’o’s acquaintance Ronaiah Tuiasosopo, who created this fictional girl and her elaborate story. Te’o was the subject of countless interviews this week and denies that he was involved in the prank. Whether you believe Te’o or not, it’s safe to say that this story is a little weird. No, actually, it’s super weird.

CYCLING — The Te’o hoax wasn’t the only major sports scandal story from this past week, as Lance Armstrong, the most successful cyclist in the sport’s history, finally admitted his use of performace enhancing drugs (PEDs) in a two-part interview with Oprah, who seems ready to seize the mantle of exclusive emotional sports interviews from Bob Costas. The news is unsurprising after the Union Cycliste Internationale decided to strip Armstrong of his seven Tour de France titles in 2012. While Armstrong spearheaded the Livestrong Foundation, which has raised hundreds of millions of dollars for cancer research and victims, his reputation has been tainted for some as a result. Armstrong vehemently denied using PEDs throughout his career and condemned those that accused him. His legacy is now one of the most polarizing in sports. If only Armstrong were the mastermind behind the Te’o prank … we think the Internet would instantaneously combust.

HOCKEY — The lockout-shortened NHL season got underway this past weekend, as puck heads around North America took in the first slate of games. The veterans stole the show on Saturday, as 40-year-old Jaromir Jagr and 42-year-old Teemu Selanne each tallied four points, while 39-year old Alexei Kovalev added three points in his opener. The Los Angeles Kings finally lifted their Stanley Cup banner, but failed to impress in opening their title defence, as the Chicago Blackhawks dominated them 5-2. The Detroit Red Wings got off to a pretty horrible start as well and are looking like they miss Niklas Lidstrom after being crushed by St. Louis, 6-0. Montreal was buzzing on Saturday night, as the Habs opened up against their bitter rivals, the Toronto Maple Leafs. The Leafs prevailed 2-1 in a fairly sloppy contest. After a 48 hour debate about which street should host the Stanley Cup parade, the Leafs lost to the Buffalo Sabres on Tuesday. All returns to normal.

NFL FOOTBALL — There will be no brotherly love in the Super Bowl this year. The San Francisco 49ers, led by Head Coach Jim Harbaugh, will battle the Baltimore Ravens, led by Head Coach John Harbaugh—their parents are probably pretty happy. The 49ers advanced after overcoming a 17-0 deficit to defeat the Atlanta Falcons. Quarterback Colin Kaepernick leads a dynamic offence that is flanked by one of the premier defences in the league. Baltimore heads to the title game after taking down the mighty New England Patriots in a result that few saw coming. The Ravens contained the potent Patriots offence and received offensive contributions led by quarterback Joe Flacco, who has silenced his critics on this impressive postseason run. Just a quick heads up: brace yourself for the brother narrative, as it will be played on loop for the next two weeks.