1. Tim Tebow loses his starting job in training camp when the league refuses to schedule every single one of the Broncos’ games on Sunday, the only day the Lord has time to help Tebow out.

2. The Toronto Maple Leafs eke out a playoff spot for the first time in the post-lockout period. Toronto fans riot in the streets after they get swept in the first round by the Boston Bruins.

3. LeBron leads the Miami Heat to the finals, only to meet the upstart Oklahoma City Thunder, who cruise through the Western Conference bracket. The Heat take the title, and LeBron dedicates it to all the haters. 

4. Tiger Woods, after falling off the map, wins his first major tournament since making some questionable personal choices.

5. After a valiant effort by host nation Poland, in which they make the quarterfinals, Europe’s top soccer countries take over, as defending champion Spain is pitted in a rematch of the Euro 2008 final against Germany. Germany prevails and Mario Balotelli becomes the next player to watch in the soccer world.

6. After winning the Super Bowl, Tom Brady announces that Gisele is pregnant again and is expecting another boy. Anticipating greatness and wanting to keep Peyton happy, Colts owner Jim Irsay uses his first overall pick in 2012 to draft the unborn future star quarterback.

7. After missing the playoffs, Canadiens GM Pierre Gauthier goes on a fire sale, trades all of his players, and fires his anglophone Head Coach Randy Cunneyworth in order to create the first “all-French team.” His logic? At least they speak French and they can’t be worse than Scott Gomez.

8.The Bruins and the Canucks meet once again in an epic finals showdown. Though no one remembers the final score, everyone will remember the final injury tally: seven concussions, four lower-body injuries, six-and-a-half upper-body injuried (half credited to Lapierre because he still may be faking it), two broken stanchions, 13 bitten fingers, and one mysterious rat bite (credited to Brad Marchand), all diagnosed by Dr. Recchi.

9. Novak Djokovic’s tennis career will be brought back to earth, but his ego will be slow to follow. Federer will win his last Grand Slam. One of the Williams sisters will retire to focus on her acting/fashion/nail technician career.

10. Usain Bolt defeats Michael Phelps in the first ever amphibian race at the 2012 London Olympics. Fortunately for Phelps, he collects three more gold medals in swimming events to add to his collection.