After a frantic week of tricks and treats, we’re tucking away our costumes and throwing out our carved pumpkins that have rotted overnight. A light cover of frost blankets the city daily, trying to insulate the cold streets against what’s to come. It’s that time of year again when I pull out my fluffy blankets, avoid my schoolwork, and binge the latest cheesy romcoms Netflix has to offer. While dreaming of meet-cutes and improbable couples, it’s hard not to notice the empty spot on the couch next to you. We all want that fairytale romance or at the least someone to get hot cocoa with during the cold winter months; but first, we must face the greatest foe in the dating world: First-date jitters.
We all get them—that small sense of panic mixed with excitement. The hectic looped thoughts of “Will I do something stupid?” or “What if I have nothing to say?” Or how about the five outfits you lay out on your bed because you can’t decide on what to wear? As ideal as happily ever after looks in the movies, let me tell you, I was never warned as a kid that I’d first have to live through painfully awkward first dates—such false advertising!
Luckily, as intimidating as a first date can seem, it doesn’t have to be all that unnerving. To start with, choose a relatively casual date activity. Meeting for coffee is a classic go-to because it conveniently has no time restraint. You can stay for 30 minutes and dash out on a bad date, or you can chat for two hours with the newfound apple of your eye. The everpresent buttery smell of pastries and the tart of coffee can’t hurt the vibes. Pick your favourite café—somewhere you feel comfortable, and you can sink into some plush chairs—and just relax and get to know each other. However, if a caffeine-heavy date is not your cup of tea, try planning an easy outing like thrifting or going to a museum. Having things to do reduces the pressure to strike up a fascinating conversation and gives you the chance to express your personality through actions.
After you’ve planned out an acute activity or café visit, and you’ve finally managed to leave the house in the fifth outfit you’ve tried on, it’s time to put on a smile and be yourself—easy, right? But, it doesn’t feel so simple when you’re sitting across from someone new who’s making intensely awkward eye contact. My best tip: Don’t put too much pressure on yourself in a conversation. If it’s not intriguing or the flow feels off, that’s okay, maybe this first date is not meant to be anything more than a funny story for your next one. In general, though, try to talk about things you’re passionate about or things you love—you’ll find conversation flows easier when you’re both sharing what you value.
Remember that you’re an intriguing person. If the person across from you showed up and also went through the jitters of getting ready and facing a first date, they must want to listen to what you have to say. When it comes down to it, a first date is nothing to stress over—you’re just getting to know each other. Maybe your personalities don’t click or you have no common interests. If so, don’t fret! Even if they’re just not the person for you, you’ve at least got some first-date experience under your belt. In this way, first dates are casual because not much is riding on them, so don’t overthink it! Second dates, however, I can’t help you with.
