Are you dreading yet another late-October decision between angel, devil, and Hugh Hefner? Could this be the year you finally say no to the Magic Mike squad theme? If you’re ready to be the quirkiest person at any party, take a look at The McGill Tribune’s list of obscure Halloween costumes that are guaranteed to leave your peers speechless.
Not-Intended-to-be-Suggestive RVC Asian Pear
After somehow making yourself round and gold, wrap yourself head-to-toe in revealing white fishnet. Be clear with everyone who asks; you are not a sexy Teletubby. On the contrary, you are a fruit with the crisp texture of an apple, but the flavour of a pear, accurately cradled in protective foam.
Froshie Who Slept Through Beach Day
Pull up to your Halloween function in full frosh gear. Do not let a conversation finish without confirming that beach day wasn’t really that much fun, right? But you did have a crazy time on boat cruise. To stay true to the costume, you should be thoroughly loose by 9 p.m, get lost on your way back to your dorm, and make sure to tearfully confide in an acquaintance that you weren’t asked to rush your frosh leader’s frat.
Mind-Body Dualism
After spending Halloween fully silent, reveal to your concerned friends that you left your mind and consciousness at home while your body seized the night. If they’re still worried about you, they clearly have not read and understood Descartes.
Brønsted-Lowry Base
You need everyone to know that you are capable of accepting a lone pair of electrons. Balloons, cardboard tubes, and a permanent marker should be enough to get your message across, but a precise structure true to molecular orbital geometry will impress your friends that much more. Whatever you do, do not accidentally dress up as a Lewis Base! It’s already been done a thousand times.
Big Suze’s Sorority Little
McGill’s principal and vice-chancellor has never been forthcoming about which sorority she rushed, or what Twisted Tea flavour she prefers. These mysteries aside, this costume is simple: Throw on a pair of Lululemon leggings, translate your Instagram bio to Greek, and erect a large image of Big Suze above your head. Try to show her some fun, but don’t get too crazy—the future of our school rests on your shoulders.
James Naismith
The McGill alumnus and inventor of basketball is easily recognized by his thick lampshade mustache, spectacles, and centre part. Those you can nail with a trip to Dollarama and a mirror; the real trick to this costume is embodying Naismith’s guiding belief of muscular Christianity. Naismith swore by this philosophy. You will need to be absolutely ripped and hold a strong conviction in the power of sports to pull this one off, but actual Christian faith is optional.
McGill’s Divestment Policy
Do not leave your room on Halloween. No revelry allowed. If your friends ask the next day, explain that for twenty-four hours, you did not exist.
Samosa Sale
Same execution as McGill’s Divestment Policy, but in an earlier stage of grief.
Gert’s
Same execution as Samosa Sale, but if anyone below third-year asks about your costume, tell them that they wouldn’t understand.
McGill Mental Health Services
Commit to plans with as many people as you can. Make it clear that you care about them and want to spend time with them. Of course you’ll dress up as a three-hole-punched Jim Halpert with the girls! Yes, you would love to be a SoundCloud rapper with the lads! Then cancel all plans on Halloween day and proceed along the lines of McGill’s Divestment Policy, Samosa Sale, and Gert’s.
