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Flying used to be an event, a mile-high journey full of pomp and circumstance, soaring through the atmosphere in a smoky haze of scotch, surrounded by a gaggle of pristine stewardesses in pillbox caps and passengers in neckties. But it’s time to give up the charade. Nowadays, as air travel increases and more and more of the masses demand access to the skies, a number of low cost airlines have sprung up in order to meet the growing demand. If you’re paying $30 to fly internationally, don’t expect to be wined and dined.
This trend is especially pronounced in Europe, where the short distance between countries requires a cheap way to get around. Enter airlines like EasyJet, Ryanair, and —Gerard Depardieu’s favourite— “Wizz Air,” whose mandates are to get people from A to B for the lowest possible fares. The result is unbeatable deals: you can get from London to Barcelona, from Barcelona to Tel Aviv, all for the price of a sandwich and a cup of coffee.
But these mile-high sardine cans can only do so at the expense of certain basic luxuries. Having done their best to ensure that you receive nothing that you have not paid for, there are no frills aboard these flights.
Convenience is indeed sacrificed at the expense of affordability. For example, many of these airlines have their own special low-cost airports, located in places where the nice planes won’t bother to fly. These “airports” are often located in run down, industrial cities, sometimes a two-hour drive from one’s desired destination.
If you wonder how these companies can stay afloat while charging 12 Euros to fly from the Netherlands to Egypt and back, the answer is this: hidden fees. Make sure to check the baggage allowance before you fly, because the cost of bringing a bag is often the same (or more) than the cost of the flight itself. Don’t even think of asking an airline employee for help, or they’ll ship your bag off to the hold faster than you can say “do you take Visa?”
Of all the low cost airlines, my favourite is Ryanair. It knows exactly what it is: having done away with any and all pretence, Ryanair relishes its lack of taste and ability to suck any sense of class or dignity out of the flying experience.
The airline’s colours, a retina-blinding bright blue and yellow, are (along with EasyJet’s orange) the most garish shades imaginable, designed as a constant reminder that you only paid eight Euros. Ryanair also indulges in the regular in-flight promotion of carcinogenic goods. I was once prompted to try a 5-Hour-Energy drink, which I can only imagine is banned in half of the countries Ryan flies to.
Yet Ryanair is shameless in basking in its own glory – for every flight that arrives on time, the jubilantly triumphant sound of classical music blares over the loudspeaker, and Ryan, a pleasant-sounding middle-aged Irish bloke, jubilantly announces that you have arrived yet again “on time.”
But why not be proud? Flying through the air thousands of feet high, zipping past clouds, taking you across the continent in under two hours for barely any money is something to celebrate. These airlines strip flying down to its bare minimum, but when push comes to shove, they get the job done. Safely, and sometimes even on time.
