Do we need skin? Most would say yes. Some would say it depends. I, for one, believe that the former is the case, which is why I’m committed to sharing my skincare routine with the McGill student populus. 

For some context: I’m a minimalist at heart. I only use a five-in-one shampoo/body wash/toothpaste, I have worn the same pair of jeans since I was seven, and I believe in reusable toilets. Does this make me more qualified than your board-certified dermatologist? I like to think so. Some may argue that I’m not qualified to give “skincare advice” because I “have never struggled with acne,” but being an empath, I have always struggled with other people having acne.

Let’s start with the essentials. Sunscreen? Probably. Tanning beds? Only if you enjoy melanoma, so why not? Formaldehyde? Chairman Mao would say so. Chocolate? Delicious. However, the real key is that, like my grandma used to say, “The best skincare is self-love. Scratch those chicken pox.”

Now, alternative, more expensive, options also exist. Botox always seems like a good idea until you wake up one morning and realize your eyes never fully closed. If you’re considering mud baths, just keep in mind that you can’t just accrue tons upon tons of street mud from your neighbourhood and store it in the free bathtub you found in your local Ikea—trust the professionals—like me.

If none of my suggestions have helped you so far, you may be saying, “It’s not working. I’m so worried about my acne.” Do you know what you should be worried about? Crime. Maybe the best skincare routine is you being less shallow.

Still, I have a few more tricks in my shoe. Like all university students, I try to craft my points from different perspectives, something my future employers will surely cherish and appreciate. If one were to take a communist lens, perhaps a hard day’s work is what is missing in your skincare routine. Maybe you should go on LinkedIn or Craigslist, then apply for any underwater oil rigging jobs you can find, preferably welding. Even if you still have acne after the eight-month expedition, you will at least have abs of steel and new-found respect for blue-collar life.

Anyone who has had the profound experience of booking an appointment with a dermatologist, waiting four to eight months, and being prescribed topical steroids after a seven-minute appointment, will tell you the same thing: It’s about the journey, not the destination. In the process of trying new moisturizers and throwing out overpriced cleansers, one finds their true self, a genuine and once kind soul driven mad by the depraved restraints of skin. 

But I’m here to tell you that this doesn’t have to be the case. Just remember to always wear sunscreen when it’s sunny outside, change your pillow sheets every other week, eat well whenever you can, and always prioritize your sleep. These simple, but essential steps, will do most of the heavy lifting necessary to rejuvenate your skin and help you feel better along the way.

And remember, if none of my skincare recommendations work, give the underwater oil rigging another shot.